Hidden Love
Han Yu Pin Yin: Cang Ai
Author: Jennifer
Source: AAE Village
Translators: TS~*

It was only after 12 but Xiang Ze was already at the entrance of Shi Min Park
He knew that Shan Mei wouldn’t be there so early but when he starts to think of the girl he’s been longing to see, he cannot keep his heart calm and sit home to wait for her. Yesterday, he had a sleepless night.

Not only last night, it has been ten days since that he had missed her, thinking of her. Missing someone could actually be so torturing.
Though he was away in another country on a working trip, his heart has never left Seoul; it is with the girl he likes.

How many times he had picked up the phone, planning to dial her number; to listen to her voice but eventually he did not for he’s afraid to break the promise he had made with her.

Looking at the clear blue sky, Xiang Ze felt wonderful and happy.

He paid close attention to the entrance; he wants to walk up to her the very moment she arrives. On their first date, it was at this entrance that he saw her appear before him; if that was considered their first date. Thinking about it, he smiled. He can still remember the way she had looked that day in a light blue blouse and a white skirt….

This is the third time the clock in the park has sounded
It’s already 3 o’clock, she hasn’t arrive. Perhaps something came up and she couldn’t get away. Lately, she’s been busy. He suddenly recalled that day at the airport, he had only told her that he would wait for her at the entrance of the park in the afternoon and did not set the time. Oh! How can he forget that!

Although he tried to console himself by giving excuses as to why she could be late, he too was a little angry with her. Must she make him wait so long just to talk to him? She really knows how to tease him.

It started to get windy. The once sunny and clear sky become overcast with dark, heavy clouds

Time slipped away while he waited, his heart was like the fast changing weather, turning heavy and uneasy.
It’s 4 o’clock, she…. Wouldn’t come would she?
His confidence started to slip away like the time.
Shan Mei, you wouldn’t let me down right?
He stood there, waiting patiently for her, afraid that he would miss her

Her heart almost broke when she saw him standing there; at the entrance; still waiting patiently for her
.
It’s already 4 hours, why does that foolish man still refuse to leave?
But then again, isn’t she foolish as well? From the moment she dropped the mail into the mailbox this morning, her heart has never had a moment of peace. How many nights she lay awake, brooding over the matter to finally set her heart right and make the decision, why did she still want to come here and see how upset he is; making herself feel even worse?

Xue Zhang, please go back! For this once, let me see your back as you leave, allow me to use my eyes to take a picture of your retreating back. She told him in her heart.

The sky got even darker; the park became deserted.

Looking at his disappointed and sad face, tears started to flow down her cheeks in torrents.

Other than that day when she chance upon him at the pub with that dejected look of his, he had never appear depressed or sad before her.

He had treated her with sincerity and gentleness and yet she’s such a coward and a selfish person who only knows how to retreat and ran away.

Tears of pain gush out again, she started to have second thoughts on her decision….

Her emotions and rationale are conflicting

Why is it that when she faces him, all her firm decisions; all the possible reasons becomes inconsequential and not important anymore?
She finally realised that he meant too much to her and she can’t let him go just like that….

Someone once said that with many matters in life, the journey is more important than the destination. It includes the one thing that hurt and confused human beings the most: Love. She always felt that whoever who said those words haven’t experience the pain of separation before but now, at this very moment, she believe that the philosophy is the very essence of human existence.

Suddenly, she understood and could see clearly
Because of him, she will need to be brave
She is willing to hold on to his hand and walk the treacherous path of love together, even if she trip or is hurt again, she will never regret her decision.
She wiped away her tears and started to walk straight towards him……

Xiang Ze did not know what time it was when he left the park.
He drove aimlessly without destination, where he went; what he passed; he could not recall,
He can only feel the throbbing pain in his heart, like being stabbed.

Is this the reply that she is giving him?
How he wished it was because she was held up by some problems or maybe she is still angry with him and did it in order to spite him

[Xue Zhang:

I’ve let you down; please forgive me one last time!

I did not expect that I’ll have to bid you a goodbye in this manner. There’s so many things left in my heart that I want to tell you but haven’t got the chance to.

How I wished it could be like the way we parted in London; then I can give you a hug and bid you a farewell properly but I cannot sum up the courage to face you. I’m afraid that I’ll cry in front of you, not able to leave you or change my decision; to bid you farewell is such a difficult thing to do!

To have known you; I feel that I’ve been blessed (I feel very xing fu-how to translate that? sigh~! L) Though the time we’ve known each other aren’t that long, it will be one of the most unforgettable and greatest moments in my life. I thank God that I had the honour to have met you. All the things you have done for me; it is not that I do not realise or understand but ultimately, I’m not the person you are looking for, so lets end it here! You deserve a woman who is more outstanding to be comparable to you.

You told me once that we should all look forward; you told me also that I should give myself a chance and give the person who loves me a chance too! Xue Zhang, you should try to turn back and have a look at the truckload of women who are looking forward at you. I’m sure that in it, you will definitely find the one woman who you will want to spend your lifetime with.

Take care and all the best

Shan Mei]

Her letter, he read it over and over again
She had feelings for him and he read her hesitation and unwillingness to part; he saw her tears.

The bitter taste of pain churned in his heart
He shouldn’t have made such a hasty declaration of love to her that day, then she will still be by his side; even if it meant that their relationship is not defined and sometimes on and off, he is willing.
What should he do? Should he just let her slip away from him like that?

Xiang Ze starred at the painting of [The scenery of River Cam] hanging on the wall in front of him. He had bought the painting at a charity auction in Cambridge 4 years ago; looking at the signature of the artist on the bottom right hand corner of the painting, his troubled and confuse heart finally saw light.

If only she knew how excited and happy he was when he search and finally found this painting that he had kept in the storage. Fate seems to always make their paths cross. From that moment he bought this painting, they have planted the seed of their destiny. Their meeting was not chanced; it was a decree from God; he must let this girl who thinks and act too rash know.
No matter what, he must meet up with her again

Xiang Ze stretched his back and finished his drink in one gulp.

Early the next morning, he called her. Her mobile was not switched on and no one answered the phone at home.
The day was unbearable but he managed to live through it.
He ultimately did not manage to contact her. Her colleagues only mentioned that she has taken leave and couldn’t give further details.
After work he went to her house but the house was pitch black.
Where did she go? Is she trying to keep away from him?

On the second day, he still couldn’t find her
He felt dejected. There are too many obstacles he needs to overcome
She is not someone who would be so irresponsible and throw her work aside. Is she sick or did she meet with some accident?
He looked at the Peter Rabbit she has given him. There are so many problems he needs to tackle today but where should he start?
Xiang Ze left his office and went up to the roof of the building. Perhaps the cold blast of wind can clear his mind and calm him, he thought

Looking at a distance, he could see the whole city, where is the girl he is longing for?
She did mention a few of her good friends name but he hasn’t met any of them so it was impossible for him to reach them and ask.

He directed his attention towards the block of blue-glassed skyscraper on the north and his heart ached, That is the building she works in.
A few times he had ran up here to make a call to her; for from here, he get the feeling of being able to see her.
 
Xiang Ze gave a sigh and look away from the place, which makes him feel frustrated and discouraged.

Not far away, a flock of pigeons was flying hurriedly over the blue sky

She had told him once, jokingly that if there is any urgent matter and he needed to reach her, he could send a homing pigeon over. How he wished that he could tie a note onto a pigeon now and send it to wherever she is………

Suddenly, an idea flashed through his mind, he thought of someone.
Xiang Ze took out his mobile phone and dialled

“Please connect me to Ms Zhao Shun Jing”

Shan Mei did mentioned to him many times that she gets along very well with Zhao Shun Jing; maybe she can help him.

“Ms Zhao, I’m Shan Mei’s friend from university. I’ve just returned from overseas and I’m looking for Shan Mei but I cannot reach her.” He had no choice but to lie

“She always mentions your name so I thought you’ll know where she is?” He tried to clam his anxiety.

“Oh… This… “ Zhao Shun Jing sounded like she knows some exclusive information

“I’ll be leaving in 2 days time and I really want to met up with her.” He pleaded

Shan Mei has instructed her not to inform any her colleagues so as to not make them worried. The reason behind her leave, she and only told her and the boss in the company. But the guy at the other end of the line sounded mature and he knows her by name. His relationship with Shan Mei must be more then that of a friend

“Hmmm… Shan Mei told me not to tell anyone but since you’ve just come back from overseas, I suppose she would not mind if I tell you. Her father met with an accident and these two days, she’s been at the hospital looking after him.”

He knew what he should do…….

She was sitting on the bench outside the intensive care ward
This is already the third day; her father is still in a coma.
The doctor has said that her father’s external injuries aren’t that serious but he had suffered a sever concussion. He will be all right once he wakes up but why hasn’t her father gets up from his coma? She is afraid that her father will just leave her behind without waking up.

Dwelling on all these thoughts, tears welled up her already swollen eyes. She tried to control her tears. She told herself that she needed to be strong for her father.

She sat there, lost and alone; he felt heartache.
Xiang Ze walked up beside her but she seems not to notice his presence.
“Shan Mei” He called out to her
Such a familiar and gentle voice
Her heart skipped a beat, looking up; it’s really him

“Xue Zhang…….”

She looked so helpless
He sat down beside her
She looked at him bravely in the eye but her heart constricted; tears rushed down her cheeks like a broken dam.
All these days of pent up worries and helplessness; when facing him, she can no longer keep it all bottled up inside her; she cried out loud.

Xiang Ze embraced her
He patted her back and consoled her in a gentle voice “ It’ll be alright, nothing will happen to your father.”

She cried in her arms “Xue Zhang… I’m so afraid”

“Don’t cry anymore, if your dad knows about it, he’ll be very upset” He told her softly by her ear
Does she know how precious she is to him? He is not willing to let her shed even one drop of tear. How he wished he could tell her now that when he’s around, he won’t let her cry.

It was after a long while before her crying subsided
He wiped away her tears lightly and carefully, with gentleness, he asked; “Why didn’t you inform me?”

Tears welled up in her eyes again; she lowered her head and after a long pause before she answered “I…didn’t want to always trouble you.”
She had wanted to tell him so much.
That day at the park, she had decided to walk up to him and bravely face the future with him when she receive a call to inform her that her father has met with an accident. Perhaps this is fate, she had thought.

Her reply sounded so distant; he didn’t like the sound of it but can only sigh in his heart

She looked so fragile; her face looked pale and hollow; she had lost a lot of weight. The once sunny and spirited deposition is no where to be found
He insisted and dragged her to the hospital cafeteria to get her something to eat. She took a few bites and couldn’t swallow anymore

He did not leave her side even for a single minute

“Get some rest tonight!” He said, looking at her tired and worried face

“I want to wait for my father to wake up” She shook her head determinately

“I know you want to wait for your father to wake up, but you’ll also need to take care of yourself, if you fall sick now, when your father is awake, who’ll look after him?” he stroke her shoulders and coax her gently

‘You go get some sleep. I’ll stay up to keep a vigil for you. Once your father wakes up, I’ll call you immediately. Okay?”

Shan Mei looked at Xiang Ze. With him by her side, she knows she’s save and she don’t have to be afraid anymore. He is the harbour where her ship can dock; the gentle rock that she can depend and lean on.

She realised that she needed him and cannot let him go.

“Then….I’ll get some sleep, you’ll have to promise you’ll wake me up later!” She finally listened to him

She’s really tired; it didn’t take long for her to fall asleep. He looked at her lovingly. She still looked troubled even as she sleeps, crossing her brows occasionally. He swept aside the fallen hair that was covering her face and pulled a blanket over her. Then he left the visitors lounge and returned to the intensive care ward.

He kept vigil for the entire night.
When she opened her eyes, it was already 6 o’clock
Looking at his tired and tense face, she heart achingly rebuked him “Why didn’t you wake me up? You still need to work today”

“I’m fine” he smiled and replied. She looked better today, he can rest assure now.

“Remember to call me?” He looked at her steadily
She nodded her head
The hospital forbids the use of mobile phones so he cannot take the initiative to call her
“Promise me, at least get something to eat!” he reminded her again before her left.

That afternoon, he met up with Xian Da and Yong Xi for lunch. After finding Shan Mei and having seen her, his heart is at peace and now he can concentrate on the other urgent problems he has.

Xian Da and Yong Xi are the host of a news forum program. Xiang Ze is very concerned with the fact that the ratings of their programme has been tailing the competitors and can never take the lead. He wanted to meet up with them to discuss the problem.

It does not matter if it was a business lunch or having a meal with his good friends, Xiang Ze will always maintain a serious and impalpable look; sometimes he falls into serious thoughts and crossed his brows as he considers.

His mobile sounded

“Yin Xiang Ze” he answered

“Xue Zhang! My dad’s awake…” Her happy voice rang thru on the other end.

His harsh and serious face, soften and gentled; Xian Da and Yong Xi exchanged surprised look

“I told you everything will be alright, okay…”

“Remember to get something to eat…., I’ll go over tonight…” he said gently

After hanging up the phone, a smile was still lingering on his face.

Yong Xi and looked at Xian Da dispassionately

The laughter on his face makes her jealous as well as heartache. Having known him for so long, he had never shown anyone such gentleness and care. Maybe like what Xian Da has said, he’s in love? What kind of girl is she, to be able to open up his heart and love her?

“Sorry… where was I?” Xiang Ze recovered his composure

“A call from your girlfriend, right?” Xian Da teased him

He gave a shy smile.

“You’ve really got a girlfriend?”
As Xian Da went away for a moment, Yong Xi took the opportunity to ask.

He paused for a long moment and gave a bitter smile “I guess she can be considered half a girlfriend.”

“Half a girlfriend?  What does that mean?”

“She hasn’t agreed to be my girlfriend.” He drank a mouthful of beer; he didn’t want to admit that she had rejected him.

“Really? Some girl can actually keep you waiting? I really want to meet her” She sounded jealous; luckily Xian Da is not around

Xiang Ze smiled lightly
He had thought thru it the whole of last night; As long as Shan Mei’s happy. He’s willing to return to square one.
He do not want to give her any pressure, he’s willing to wait for her.