Hidden Love
Han Yu Pin Yin: Cang Ai
Author: Jennifer
Source: AAE Village
Translators: Jules

It was already after 8 pm by the time she left the office.  On her way home, the taxi drove past MBS building.  On a whim, SM asked the driver to stop her there.

Upon entering the lobby, she smiled and greeted the security guards, then proceeded straight towards the lifts.  With the work that was going on in the Cultural Gallery, she was a frequent visitor to the building, and the security guards were used to having her coming in and out at all hours to do inspections.

She did not expect the corridors of the offices to still be bustling with activity, and almost changed her mind.  Thankfully, all the faces were unfamiliar to her, and she managed to make her way around without having to explain herself.

She had just spoken with XZ on the phone, and knew he was still at work.  She stepped out of the lift on the sixth floor and made her way to his office.  She stopped outside his office, wondering what his reaction would be when he found out that she had come to see him of her own accord.  She had never ever done such a thing before.

SM pushed open the door to the waiting room.  She knew his secretary had already left for the day.  Otherwise, she would never have found the courage to come here on her own.  She had a look around.  The place looked exactly the same as it had that first time she had come to see him two years ago.

Just as she was about to knock, the door to the inner office opened, and XZ walked out.  When he saw her, his face registered surprise and delight.  He smiled broadly.
“What brings you here?” he asked with raised eyebrows and a smirk on his face.
“I wanted to make sure that you hadn’t passed out from over-work.”
He looked down at his watch and suddenly realised the time.  Then, he grabbed her hand and pulled her into his office.

“Let me go and get you a drink”, he knew that she would not drink coffee at this time of the night.
“No, I’m alright.”
“I have to make sure you like it here.  You’re the one person I can never persuade to come to my office.”
She laughed, “Hey!  I hope you’re not intending to spend the night here!”
He threw a smile her way as he walked out the door.

SM made her way around the room curiously.  The last time she was here, it was the first time in her life she had entered the office of a top executive, and she had been too nervous to notice much.  Moreover, he had shuffled her out of his office after only a few words with her regarding her design.  She could still remember how indignant she had felt.

Suddenly, she laughed.  She had just caught sight of Peter Rabbit sitting on a corner of his desk.
“So…this is where you live.”
She pulled up a visitor’s chair and sat in front of the desk, looking intently at it.  XZ had promised to take good care of it, and it appeared that he had.

When XZ came back with a bottle of grapefruit juice in hand, he found her sitting there staring intently, and laughed.
“So?  Are you satisfied with how I’ve looked after him?” he said as he wrapped his arms around her from behind.
“How long has he been living here?” she asked.
“Ever since he came back to Seoul with me”, he replied.
She laughed contentedly.
“Won’t people think it strange?” she asked.
Having a cute little Peter Rabbit sitting on the corner of an executive director’s desk would seem a little out of place.
“Who cares!” he said as he kissed her face lightly and placed the drink in her hand.

“Why did you disappear so quickly this afternoon?” XZ asked as he returned to his chair.
The Cultural Gallery was officially launched this afternoon, and MBS had invited various VIPs and government officials to attend.  SM and her colleagues were also invited.
“You are the host of the event.  We are merely the pawns in this game. That’s why we usually just make an appearance, then disappear quickly”, she explained breezily.
“My father was looking for you!”
“Why would he be looking for me in the midst of all those important people?”
There were several hundred guests at the launch, and she had merely stood in a corner the whole time.
“It was he who insisted that you should be invited to the event”, XZ replied.
“Really?” she was dismayed.
Oh dear! XZ’s father must really think she was being rude.  SM was actually embarrassed to meet his father after having been caught out in XZ’s apartment that fateful night.  Since then, she had taken care to try and avoid him where possible.
“What did he have to say about it?” she asked worriedly.
“I told him you had some urgent business to attend, and had to leave before you could get to him.”
SM heaved a sigh of relief.
“How long are you going to be?”
He still had a large pile of documents on his desk.
“I’ll be a while yet.  Will you wait?”

“Director Yin, before you continue with your work, can I please have a minute of your time?” she asked meekly.
He smiled at the tone of her voice and said regally, “Your wish is granted…”
“You should know this word well…” she said as she took out a card from her handbag with the word S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D written on it.  She had prepared this earlier in the day.
“Are you testing my English?” he was puzzled.
“Well….let’s just pretend I am”, she said with a smile.
“That’s the word stressed.  It means “under great pressure””, he replied.
“Yes.  And if you spelled it backwards?”
“D-E-S-S-E-R-T-S ….that’s desserts – something sweet you can have”
She nodded her head pointedly.  “Stressed backwards is Desserts – I read this in an article today and decided to write it down for you.”
“Thank you for your concern.”
“I think my minute is now up.  Please go on with your work.”

In order not to disturb him, she planted herself in a sofa in the corner and took out a novel to read.  When she next raised her head, it was already past 10pm.  XZ was still immersed in his work.  It didn’t look like he was anywhere near finishing up.  She sighed softly and went over to his side.
“You look like you’ve just run the marathon”, she commented worriedly as she looked at the fatigue in his face.
He gave her a tight smile. “I’m OK.  Didn’t you just give me some “desserts” to keep me going?” Saying that, he continued with the work on his desk.  He had to have it all finished by Monday.

“You can’t go on like this”, she reached out and started putting away all the documentation on his desk, forcing him to stop.
“What are you doing?” he frowned, not knowing how to react.
“Why are you frowning?” she imitated his irritated tone as she tried to smooth away the frown on his forehead with her fingers.
“Stop fooling around!  I’ll be finished in a minute.”
“But I want you to be finished now”, she exclaimed.
XZ rubbed his temple with one hand, pulled her into his lap with the other, and grinned.
“Why do you have to work so hard?” she complained.
He loved that petulant look she was giving him.  “Uh….So I can earn more money!”
“Why do you want so much money?” she wrinkled her nose at him, and pulled his nose gently.
“So the woman I love can have a comfortable life!”
“Oh! In that case, you’ll have to be a slave for the rest of your life”, her eyes danced as his words filled her heart with sweetness.
“Ummm, I think I’ve just changed my mind…” his eyes danced with hers, as they filled with the warmth of his love.
“You’d better think carefully about what you really want.  Some women are nothing but trouble.  They are difficult to please, easily jealous, and never satisfied.  You might regret taking her on.”
The love in his eyes brought a flush to her cheeks and sent her heart fluttering.  She unconsciously withdrew a little from the heat.
“Oh dear, what am I going to do?  The woman I love is exactly as you described”, he teased.
“It’s not too late to back out of this….” She pouted at him.
“It’s way too late! I love her so much I bear can’t to leave her”, he said as he lowered his face towards hers……

In one fluid movement, she hopped out of his lap and out of his reach.
“What are you doing?  Do I look like a man-eating tiger to you?” he laughed heartily.
She shook her head vehemently, colour rising to her cheeks.  How could he…?  This is his office, for goodness’ sakes!

“Do you absolutely have to finish all this today?  It’s Friday, you know.  You still have Saturday and Sunday to work on them”, she said pointedly.
“My weekends are for us alone”, he calmly replied.
“I don’t want you to do this to yourself, just so we can spend our weekends together.”
“Shan Mei….”
“You’re very obstinate!” she said.  The angrier she was, the cuter she became.
“What’s in it for me, if I take your advice?” he at her meaningfully.
She glared at him.  “You’ll stay healthy, for starters.  How do you expect to have anything else if your health suffers?”
“Oh dear!  Looks like you’ve really lost your temper.  I’d better just quietly do as you say, then.”  He stood up and started packing.

“I’ll wait for you at the bus stop!” she said as she smiled.
“Come with me!”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I’d be embarrassed if anybody saw us.”
“Well, you’re already here – how embarrassing is that?”
“I’m not ready.”
“Not ready for what?”
“Not ready for the hundreds and thousands of stares I would get the next time I come here.”

“Are you asleep?” his voice was low and gentle.  She loved listening to his night voice with her eyes closed.
“Not yet.  I’m writing in my diary”, she said.
“What are you writing about?  Anything about me?”
“Ummm, I’m writing about a stubborn workaholic who doesn’t take care of himself and won’t listen to me. A man who has me worrying about him all the time.”
“That man is very troubled at the moment.”
“Troubled?  Is he troubled because he’s fallen in love with that very difficult woman?” she teased.
“Troubled because he was obstinate and didn’t listen to the woman’s advice, so he didn’t even get a goodnight kiss.”
“She’s done well!  She should put him in his place every now and then.”
“Aren’t you afraid he might go looking for it from someone else?”
“He wouldn’t dare!”
“A stick without a carrot doesn’t always work.”
“One has to be reasonable even in matters of the heart!” she stated firmly.
“Of course” he meekly replied.
“Can I ask you something?  Will you give me an honest answer?“ she asked.
“Sounds like a serious question.”
“Yes it is.  Are you ready?” there was a smile in her voice.
“I’m starting to get nervous already.”
“Why do you love me?  There are at least a dozen girls around you who are so much better than I am.”
He smiled. “In my eyes, there is only you.” The steadfast certainty and passion in his voice found its way into her heart, and set it alight.
“Xue Zhang, please don’t think I’m being silly.  I really do want to know….” There was a gentle urgency in her voice.
“Mmm…. At first, it was your unforgettable smile.  I just could not get you out of my mind the first time I met you.  I remember noticing you at a café you had designed.  After that, I kept going back to that cafe at every opportunity, hoping to see you there again.  But it was all in vain.”
“Did you really?  Why didn’t you come up and say hello that day?” she asked.
“That day…you were crying.”
“Was I?  I don’t remember.”  She felt a faint wisp of recollection drift by, but could not pull it into her consciousness.
“After I met you again in London, I learnt to look at the world differently.  Your zest for life and your generous spirit taught me about the joy of giving.  Because of you, my life became worth living.  Most important of all, you taught me to love.  My life has never been the same since.”  He paused for a moment before going on, “Ever since we met, we’ve got along so well.  Our mutual understanding, the way we both treasure each other, our deep commitment to each other, have given me a deep sense of happiness.  My heart is constantly filled to the brim with your every action, your every smile.  I love your gentleness and your stubbornness, because you’re reasonable even when you’re being stubborn.  I love your serenity and your strong commitment to your work.  You’re sometimes so fragile, it breaks my heart; at other times your surprising strength takes my breath away.  You’re naïve like a child, but you have a deep understanding of human nature and relationships that I can’t even begin to fathom.  All these little bits, all the different facets of you have taken hold of my heart, forming an unbreakable bond of love…”

Each word that he spoke moved her to her very soul.
As she listened quietly, memories of their time together floated into focus, even though her eyes were misty.
I must have been so boring she’s fallen asleep!  XZ thought as the other end of the line remained silent.
“Shan Mei…..” he called out to her gently.
“Xue Zhang….I’m nothing like the person you’re describing…..”
He was surprised to hear the tears in her voice.
“You’re the one I’ve been waiting for all my life”, he stated simply.
“I’m afraid I might disappoint you.”
“Tell me you won’t.”
“I promise I’ll try my best.”  She knew he would be her one and only love.
“Why don’t you dry your eyes?”
“I’m not crying”, she sniffed.
“You are the world’s worst liar.”
“I can’t hide anything from you, can I?” there was a smile amidst the tears.
“You’re not to think these silly thoughts any more”
“Am I not allowed to think of you at all?” she was petulant.
“That’s not what I meant….” He smiled.
“Goodnight”, she said.
“Goodnight, and sweet dreams.”

She decided to give him a big surprise the next day.  She was going to be the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes in the morning.  She was going to make him a big breakfast of French toast, and have it with him.  She was going to give him a big hug….. She really loved him very much.

On this night, she drifted to sleep on dreams full of happiness and contentment (xing fu)….