Hidden Love
Han Yu Pin Yin: Cang Ai
Author: Jennifer
Source: AAE Village
Translators: Jules

The weather changed suddenly.  Without any warning, the skies opened up, and saturated the earth with a heavy downpour.  XZ put his foot on the accelerator.  Even thought the route he took was congested, it wasn’t long before he got to the roadside shelter where SM was taking refuge from the rain.  However, she was still completely soaked by the time he reached her.

“Why didn’t you try to find a better spot to shelter from the rain?” he chided as he helped her dry off.
“I was afraid you would be able to find me, if I moved away from there.” She said, as she sneezed.
“For goodness’ sakes!” he took off his jacket and covered her with it.  Worried that it might not be warm enough, he pulled her close into his arms.  Damn! She was always like this, never wanting to trouble other people or to let them worry.  The more she was like this, the more worried he became.  The last time she went to greet him at the airport when he landed in the middle of a storm, she slipped and fell, lacerating and bruising her legs in an effort to get to the airport on time so that he would not worry about her being so late.  Thinking about this, he unconsciously pulled her closer.

“Are you feeling better?”
“Mm.”
“Why didn’t you turn on your mobile?” he had been trying to get hold of her on the way.
“It ran out of power.  I forgot to recharge the batteries”, she replied sheepishly.
“Why don’t we go another time?  I’d better take you home to have a hot bath and a change of clothing, otherwise you might catch a cold.”
“No, I’m all right.  Really!”
Today was his mother’s birthday, and she had agreed to visit her grave with him.
“Look!  The weather has already changed.”
True enough, the rain had gone, and the sun was shining brightly in its place.
“Why do you have to be so stubborn?” he shook his head, helpless to change her mind.
“It’s because I’m stubborn!” she replied cheekily, pulling a face at him.

XZ’s mother’s grave was situated outside the city limits, about an hours’ drive away.  SM respectfully placed a bouquet of fragrant white lilies at the grave.  White lilies were his mother’s favourite flower.  XZ knelt in front of his mother’s grave broodingly.  She had never seen this melancholy side of him before.  It was obvious he still missed his mother very much.  She had heard the story about his parents from him in drib and drabs, and understood the source of his pain and sorrow.  She looked at him sympathetically.  Her heart reached out to him.

She stood silently behind him, giving him time to do whatever he had to.  Whenever SM visited her mother’s grave with her father, she would talk to her mother incessantly, sharing all her happiness and sorrow with her mother, even though she had lost her mother when she was three.

“Hey!  What are you thinking about?”  XZ was beside her, wearing that familiar loving expression on his face.  She smiled and shook her head.
“Have you said everything you wanted to say to your mother?”
“Not yet”
He took her hand and pulled her up in front of the grave.
“Mom, this is Shan Mei”, he said, looking at her, “she’s the one that I truly love.  I brought her here to meet you today.  Please help me protect her from all harm.”

XZ’s mother’s main worry while she was alive was the way her son seemed to avoid all commitments to a relationship.  She was afraid that he would spend his days alone and in misery.  He wanted his mother to know that he had found love with Shan Mei, and would no longer avoid loving relationships.  He wanted his mother to know that he had finally learnt to love again, and had been blessed with happiness and contentment (xing fu).  He finally understood how his mother felt, waiting for her husband to return to her.  He was much luckier than his mother.  He had found his one true love, and she loved him in return.

SM looked deep into XZ’s eyes, then stepped forward towards his mother’s grave, her hands clasped in prayer.
“What did you say to my mom?” he asked.
She just only smiled in response.
“Let’s go!  It’s getting late, and there’s someplace else I want to go.” XZ said as they made their way towards the exit.
“Why didn’t you come with your father?” SM looked at him and asked.
XZ face darkened as he remained silent.
She squeezed his hand and said gently, “There are some things that cannot be changed.  You need to let it go.  Stop making yourself sad and give yourself a chance.  I’m sure your mother wouldn’t want to see you this way.”
“I know”, XZ nodded, squeezing her hand.
“That’s good.”

“Oh!” SM stopped and bent down to examine a little plant along the path.
“What is it?” XZ asked.
“It’s four leafed clover!” SM said with delight. “Xue Zhang, I found a four-leafed clover!” SM’s eyes sparkled with excitement.  “I’m giving it you so you will have good luck for the rest of your life!” she said, looking at him.
According to legend, whoever finds a four leafed clover will enjoy a life full of good fortune.
SM had just asked XZ’s mother to protect XZ and make sure he enjoyed peace, happiness and good fortune for the rest of his life.  The wish had just been granted!
“Shan Mei…” he was so touched, he didn’t know what to say.

As the sun set, they drove along the beach road, enjoying the scenery.
“Xue Zhang, I want to ask you a question”
“I hope you’re not going to ask the same question that you’ve asked me a hundred times before!” he exaggerated.
“Of course not!” she laughed.  He actually thought she was going to ask him again why he loved her so much.
“I have a good friend who has the opportunity to further her studies abroad.  However, she can’t bear to part with her boyfriend.  If you were her boyfriend, what would you wish she did?”
“Umm… I think…I would encourage her to go”.
“Why? Wouldn’t you miss her if she left you for a distant land?”
“Silly girl! Of course I would miss her!  I’d be very sad, but I won’t want her to have any regrets.  I think if her boyfriend really loved her, he be selfish if he asked her to stay.”
“Is that so?”
“Yep!”
She looked at him with light in her eyes, her face carrying an enigmatic expression.
“What’s wrong?” XZ was a little worried.
“Nothing”, she pretended, as she turned to look elsewhere.

XZ drove on, taking the curves in the road with ease.  SM was unusually silent throughout.
“You’re very quiet”, he was used to her chatting away during their drives.
“Xue Zhang”, she smiled at him, finally breaking the silence.
“Hmm?” he turned to look at her.
“Will you pick me up tomorrow night?” she said softly.
“You’re…..” he looked at her in surprise. “You changed your mind?”
“Yes”, she nodded.
She had just agreed to accompany him to the Wen Rong Conglomerate’s anniversary celebrations.  Finally, she was willing to be seen in public with him!  He was overjoyed.

It was the fortieth anniversary of the Wen Rong Conglomerate the next day.  XZ’s father had invited each and every staff member and their partners to attend a celebratory banquet.  It was going to be a formal affair.

XZ thought back to last week, when he presented the invitation to SM.  She hadn’t been happy to receive it at all.
“But I don’t really have any connections with your company!” she frowned.
He knew she would react that way.  The invitation had actually been sitting in his briefcase for a few days.  If not for his father’s constant reminder, he would not have presented it to her.
“Don’t feel obliged to attend.  It’s up to you to decide what role you want to play in this”, He told her.

She knew XZ had been carefully shielding their relationship from the limelight.  He had been so considerate for her, giving in to her wishes, not wanting to put her under any pressure.
“Aren’t you afraid of the hundreds of eyes that will be staring at you all night?” he asked earnestly.  He wanted to make sure she would be happy at his side, not stressing out instead.
“Would you believe me if I said I wasn’t?” she tried to be flippant about it, although her heart was doing somersaults.  After all, this would be the first time she would be seen in public with XZ.

She took the afternoon off the next day to prepare for the event.  She set some curls into her hair, and held it back with some clips.  After some deliberation, she chose a sleeveless ivory cocktail dress.  Nothing dramatic, but dressy enough for the occasion.  She would not feel comfortable in a formal evening dress.  Looking at her curly hair and bare shoulders, she suddenly thought of Zhao Meng Ting, and laughed.

XZ arrived at five.  He just stood there staring in wonder when she answered door.
She blushed and taunted, “Have you got the wrong address?” (translator’s note:  don’t know how exactly to say this.  Zao Chuo Men, literally finding the wrong door, implies that he was not prepared for what was behind it).
XZ covered his mouth with his hand and laughed.  Curly hair and bare shoulders on her were completely enchanting.  “You look beautiful” his eyes were sparkling with admiration.
“Does it remind you of someone?” she asked playfully.
“Who?” he asked distractedly.  He obviously did not understand what she was trying to imply.  He merely reached out, caught her by the waist, and kissed her thoroughly.

The minute they stepped into the ballroom, she could feel speculative gazes pierce her demeanor, making her nervous.  XZ, feeling her unease, gently whispered in her ear, “Don’t worry, just relax”.
“Do they really have to look at me like that?”
“It’s because this is the first time I’ve ever been accompanied by a woman at one of these events.” The smug look on his face made her want to punch him.
“Is it too late for me to make my escape?” she asked meekly.
“Is it really that bad?” XZ asked, laughing.
“Urgghh! I think I’m about to faint….” She grimaced and nodded vehemently.

“Shan Mei!  You’re here!” She suddenly heard the voice of XZ’s father next to her.
There was not escape now.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be right beside you”, XZ took her hand in his, and gave her an encouraging look.  She nodded at him, took a deep breath, and smiled as he lead her ahead.
“Managing Director, how are you?”
“It’s been a while.  You look more beautiful each time I see you.”
“Thank you.  You look very good yourself.”
“Is that so?” the managing director chuckled.
“En Hua, let me introduce you.  This is Xiang Zhe’s friend, Miss Zhen Shan Mei.  She designed the Cultural Gallery at MBS”, he said to an modern, elegant woman next to him.
“Really?  Why haven’t I ever heard Xiang Zhe mention this before?” She nodded towards SM’s direction, assessing her at the same time.
“This is my wife.” So this was XZ’s step-mother.
“How do you do?” SM hurriedly composed herself as she greeted her.
“You really must get Xiang Zhe to bring you round for a visit one of these days”, she said.
“Thank you.”
She took a peek at the man by her side.  He maintained a cordial smile throughout.
“Miss Zhen!  Long time no see!” Jin En Qi suddenly appeared.
“Assistant Director Jin, how are you?” she greeted him.
“So, you’re Xiang Zhe’s friend.  No wonder you managed to win the large contract at MBS!  Heh, heh!” Jin En Qi remarked dryly.
The smile on her face froze.
“Assistant Director Jin!” XZ’s face was stormy.
SM pulled at XZ’s sleeve and smiled, “I must really than you, Assistant Director, for all the support you’ve given our company during the project”.
“Please excuse us!  I would like to introduce Shan Mei to a few more people”, XZ said coldly.  He was furious, but kept his cool.
“That’s funny!  Assistant Director Jin was so warm and supportive just the other day at the Gallery.  He even promised to recommend our services to all his friends”, SM said with confusion in her voice.
“That’s not unusual.  All he wants to do is contradict me.  Don’t worry about him” he remarked tightly. “Come on, let me introduce you to a few friends.”

There were many people at the function.  Most men were dressed in formal tuxedoes with beautifully clad ladies by their sides.  At first glance, it looked more like a fashion parade.  XZ tokk her around and introduced her to a few friends and colleagues.  Except for a few admiring or speculative glances that made SM feel ill at ease, most other people were warm and friendly.  Although SM did her best to make small talk, she started to have a surreal feeling as time passed.

SM and XZ were assigned to sit at a table with high-ranking executives from Wen Rong’s Construction and Shipbuilding arm.  Almost everyone at the table was senior, and XZ introduced her to each individual.  SM very respectfully greeted each “general manager” or “director”.  There were very few “uncles” and “aunties” in their midst.  Thankfully, it made it easier for her to remember each, as she only needed to remember their surnames.  The table full of seniors executives were poking fun at SM and XZ through the evening.  If not for XZ’s deft handling of the situation, SM would have found it difficult to manage.  XZ drank each toast in her stead, and kept deflecting the conversation towards more general topics, so she could relax a little, safe in the knowledge that personal questions would not easily arise.

Even with XZ’s skill in handling the situation, SM still felt on edge all night.  Even though she had many difficult experiences before, none could compare with the anxiety she felt during the function.  SM’s spirits finally started to lift as the function drew towards its close.  Without any warning, the general manager of Wen Rong Construction suddenly asked, “Xiang Zhe!  So when will we be receiving invitations to your wedding banquet?”
As the words left his mouth, all eyes on the table looked towards SM.  SM swallowed with difficulty, and kept her own gaze on the table, not daring to look up.
“Uncle!  When there is any news on that front, I promise you’ll be the first to know.”  XZ continued, “I also promise I’ll do my best in that direction!”  XZ unconsciously looked as SM as he said that.
“Miss Zhen!  Xiang Zhe is actually a very nice person, you know.  It should not be difficult for you to accept him,” a teasing voice next to her added.
On saying all that, everyone at the table toasted XZ, forcing him to down quite a few more drinks before letting the topic rest.

The meal service ended after 9pm.  XZ did not drive, as he expected to have to drink quite a bit during the function.  The two of them then strolled down the road in the gentle light of the moon, as a light evening breeze swept past them.
“Are you alright?”  He asked with concern in his eyes.
“I feel like I’ve just survived a thousand pin pricks”, she replied with a sigh.
“Was it really that bad?”  there was pain in his voice.
“I’m only joking!  Should we grab a taxi?  You’ve had a lot to drink.”  She was worried about him.  ZX had had quite a bit to drink, partly because he was trying to protect her from drinking games being played.  She had never seen him drink so much before.
“A little bit of alcohol won’t do me in.”  XZ took her hand in his and continued, “but you!  You didn’t eat much at all tonight.  You must be starving!  Let’s go and grab a bite to eat.”
“I’m not hungry,” SM replied, shaking her head.  The butterflies were still in her stomach.  There was no way she could eat anything. 
“Do you often have to face those sorts of situations?”  She was referring to the way he had been teased about his status as a bachelor.
“Oh that!  I’m used to it by now.  Thanks to you, I won’t have to worry about everyone trying to introduce eligible women to me any more,”  XZ replied smugly.
“So!  You were only using me as a shield!”  She punched his shoulder, and he smiled even more broadly.

SM looked at his contented smile, and felt a mixture of contentment and despair, as she remembered that strange, surreal feeling she had as they stepped into the function room.  It was as if she was in a fantasy.

“Xue Zhang….,” She started, then hesitated.
“What is it?”  He stopped walking, and looked towards her.
“Nothing.”  She took his hand and continued walking.
It was obvious there was something bothering her.
“Why don’t you tell me about it?  If you don’t, I won’t be able to sleep tonight, worrying about it.”  He pulled back.
“It’s not really anything important, just a feeling. Will you promise not to laugh if I tell?”  she said as she searched his face.
“Xue Zhang, do you know the story of Cinderella?  Tonight, when we walked into the function room and I was faced with a room full of lights and beautiful people, I suddenly felt like Cinderella.  I felt as if I had arrived at a completely different world.  Even though I had the prince by my side, it felt as though everything would disappear on the stroke of midnight, leaving me on my own again.”
“What do you mean?”  he grabbed her hand and held it tightly in his.
She quickly put her finger to his lips and said, “Don’t read too much into it.  I was just trying to describe the feeling.”
XZ pulled her into his arms, and said to her in all seriousness, “Promise me that you won’t talk of disappearing again, not even as an example.”
“Mmmm,” she nodded her head against his chest.
 “You’re a talented and beautiful lady living in the twenty-first century.  How can you compare yourself to Cinderella, who’s only a character in a fairy tale?  Sometimes, you are really silly!”
“Who was it who said that people in love tend to do the silliest things in order to gain attention?”  she replied.
“Only people who are insecure would say that.”
“Is that so?”
“Do you know where I can buy a pair of glass slippers?”
“What?  Whatever for?”
“So I can leave one with you!”
“Didn’t you just say I wasn’t Cinderella?”
“I’m worried that one day, it might get into your head, and you might decide to do something silly like disappear.  When that happens, I’ll have to take my one glass slipper and search the world until I find you!”
“If that’s the case, I must give it a try!”
“I’m going to hang on to you and never let you go.”
He wasn’t joking.  XZ had every intention of searching the world for her.

She looked at him, felt passion churning inside of her.
She used to think that he was like a big tree, always reaching for a sky full of stars.  Now she realised that he really WAS a very big tree.  But this tree was also full of branches that would shelter her from any storm, and keep her safe from harm.  He had always been constantly there by her side, never wavering, never faltering.
“Alright, then.  I won’t ever disappear, unless you leave me first.”  SM gazed deeply into his eyes, and XZ smiled in response.  He could see certainty and determination in that deep gaze of hers.  He knew that they didn’t need any words to express their promise to each other.