Hidden Love
Han Yu Pin Yin: Cang Ai
Author: Jennifer
Source: AAE Village
Translators: TS~*

Xiang Ze seems to be in an extremely good mood today. All through the car ride, he’s been chatting away excitedly. Normally, she would have been the one who yaks non-stop. She seldom sees him like that.

Today, he’s like a big boy, excited and happy

She imagined him as a student in Cambridge, riding his bicycle, free and without worries; she pictured him rowing the punt along River Cam, strong and spirited. He must have already been very attractive at that time; she wished she knew that Yin Xiang Ze too.

She looked at the man she loved; his happiness has rubbed off on her.

“Why are you so quite today?” His voice brought her back to reality
“You seem to be very happy today.” She smiled and looked at him
“That’s of course, today…. It’s the first time we’re sleeping out together!……Ouch!…….I’m driving!”
She gave him a light punch, which made him protest in agony.
“Who ask you to utter nonsense.” She said sternly
“Miss, Don’t you think you’ve over reacted! Sleeping out, just simply means sleeping outside in another place, not at home. I wonder what that little brain of yours has been thinking….” He shook his head innocently

As there were 3 public holidays in a row, he and his friends had organised a trip to Chaeju Island. Everyone’s bringing either their wives or girlfriends along, he had a hard time persuading her to take the trip with him.

A load of rubbish and yet he could still reply in such headstrong manner. She gave him a stare, pouted and commented “You’re….becoming more hateful!”
She didn’t want to start a debate with him on the correct definition of sleeping out, turning her heard round, she looked out of the car window, stuffing another piece of sweet into her mouth at the same time.

“Miss, when did you acquire the taste for chocolates?”
She has already eaten quite a few along the way.
“Mind your own business!”
“I wouldn’t have dared to control you even if I’m given the chance to! I’m only worried that if you keep eating like this, I wouldn’t be able to carry you.” Xiang Ze said exaggeratedly
“Hmm, It’s stressful to be your girlfriend. I need to re-evaluate my position.” She said.

Observing how seriously she had voiced out her unhappiness, Xiang Ze couldn’t help but question “You’re serious?”
“Yeah…” She lowered her head and smiled.
His worried and doubtful expression surprised her and made her laugh out loud. “Yes…I’m only pulling your leg!”

Xiang Zhe heave a sigh of relief “Zhen Shan Mei, when did you learn to pull such tricks?”
“I’ve learnt it form someone!”
“Now I know what it’s like to have your student becoming smarter than you!” Xiang Zhe smiled and shook his head.
“I didn’t acquire a taste for chocolates, it’s just that I liked this flavour a lot and coincidently, my colleague gave me a box!” She said.
“You try it!” She feed him a piece
“Wow! Why is it so bitter?”
She smiled. She didn’t know why but she just liked the taste of bitterness that brings on the feelings of sweetness in her hear.

“You changed your perfume”
He is unfamiliar with the scent she’s currently using.
“It’s a gift” She said, smiling gently
“Don’t tell me it’s from a guy!” He questioned in passing
“Spot on! How did you know?”
It’s really a gift from another man? Xiang Ze crossed his eyebrows
“Yeah…..and I like this scent a lot.”
Looking at how sweetly she’s smiling, Xiang Ze started to brood over the though, jealousy overcoming his rationale.

“The weather today is perfect!” She looked out of the car window and commented happily. It’s been raining for the past few days and had only finally stopped yesterday
“We’re really lucky; this season is Cheaju’s best!”
She continued talking, not realising that Xiang Ze’s face and mood has darken.

“How long more before we reach?’
She asked her question twice but did not get any reply form him.
Turing round to look at him, she noticed that Xiang Ze wasn’t looking quite right.
“What’s wrong? Are you falling sick?”
She leaned over and asked worriedly.
“Nothing’s wrong!” Xiang Ze replied blankly.
He continued to drive, looking grave at the same time.
With him behaving like that, she got even more worried
“Can you please stop the car?” She said
Xiang Ze stopped the car by the roadside
“Are you having a headache? Or where else are you feeling not well?” She asked
She reached out and placed her hand on his forehead. The temperature feels normal.
“My heart isn’t feeling good!” He looked at her
“His heart is not feeling well?” She returned his look, confused.
“You could have told me the scent you liked and I would have bought it for you. Why must you accept gifts from another man?”
He didn’t want to conceal his displeasure
She was caught speechless for a second or so before she burst out laughing.
Xiang Ze was a little annoyed; he did not find the circumstances funny at all. He crossed his eyebrows even tighter.
She tried hard to stop laughing before she continued “Yin Xiang Ze, you don’t have to be jealous with my father”
Realising his mistake, he tapped his head and smiled embarrassedly

She eyed him accusingly and said “So, you’re also a vinegar pot! (Someone who gets jealous easily), but in her heart, it feels nice to have him feel a little jealous.

It was only slightly after 10am when they reached their hotel in Chaeju Island.
Xiang Ze took a long time to register for their rooms at the front desk.
“Why did you take so long?” She asked
“Oh….There was some miscommunications with the bookings made by Shi Jie and the rest so I had to spend a little more time on it.”
Shi Jie had assumingly book only one room for the both of them. Luckily there were still empty rooms or else he would have to either sleep on the floor or on the sofa later that night. He had requested for rooms on the same floor.
“We can see Chongyang Lake from here!” She looked out of the window and exclaimed at the picturesque sight before her.
The clam surface of the lake and the greenery that spread over the area was borderless and scenic, making it look like a beautiful piece of scenery painting. Light breeze cause ripples to form over the surface of the lake, making it even more poetic.
“We shall go row a boat in the afternoon!” She said delightfully
“I’ve got other arrangements made this afternoon.”
Looking at how excited he was, she is curious and asked “What activities have you arranged?”
“You shall find out later!” He smiled but did not answer her question.

After unpacking, Xiang Ze drove her around to take a quick look at the tourist attractions on the island. They meet up with Shi Jie and the rest for lunch. They’re all Xiang Ze’s friends, she knew them too.
“Xiang Ze, I’ve been down to the track for a look. It’s great! We should have a good time enjoying ourselves this afternoon!” Shi Jie said excitedly
“Zhang Shi Jie, I warn you; do not go overboard with your own entertainment and throw me aside like the last time.” Mei Na said
“Well, then all you have to do is find Shan Mei’s company!” Shi Jie smiled happily and replied.
“Don’t you dare! When the time comes, do not blame me for not letting you back into the hotel room to sleep.”
“Shan Mei, do we have a deal? If Xiang Ze follows Zhang Shi Jie and forgot about us when they get too excited, don’t let him into the room to sleep tonight!” Mei Na pulled Shan Mei along, trying to form a pact.

She was confuse with what Mei Na and Shi Jie was bickering about
“Xiang Ze, be careful with your girlfriend just in case she gets lead astray” Someone in the group teased.
She looked at Xiang Ze questioningly and he only returned her with a smile on his face.
“Mei Na, what are they planning to do in the afternoon?” Letting her curiosity get the better of her, she finally asked Mei Na softly.
“What else but car racing?”

She had never known that Xiang Ze has a penchant for car racing; she thought that he had only liked to watch those F1, motor sports racing programme on TV. No wonder when she had first known him, he would speed up whenever he hits the expressway. She had coaxed him a few times to slow down and later, he had been more controlled with his speeding.

She sat at the spectator’s gallery and saw a fully suited Xiang Ze in racing attire a distance away. He looked dashing oozes confidence. He waved at her happily.

This is a private race track opened only for its members. It was thru Xiang Ze’s friend’s recommendation and the club management’s approval before they were allowed onto the track. There were already 6 or 7 cars on the starting line waiting to be flagged off.

“When did the both of them started to take on car racing?” She asked Mei Na
“They have been madly involved in it since they were in England. After returning home, they’ve been complaining that there aren’t any acceptable facilities for them to use, now that they’ve found this place, I think they’re exhilarated.”
So this was the reason. No wonder on the way here, Xiang Ze had been so excited.
“They’re about to begin” Mei Na pointed and said

She never knew that watching a car race ‘live’ could be such a heart-stopping experience. The cars zoomed pass each other in lightning speeds, neither machine nor driver is willing to give in to the other. It was like watching a battle of life and death, the roar of the car engines, seeing a cluster of cars that are so close that it almost looks as if they’re about to crash into one another. It looks overly dangerous and it made her quaver in fear. She kept her eyes locked on Xiang Ze’s car. Whenever his car got very close to his fellow competitor’s, she would break out in cold sweat; her heart almost jumped out from her mouth. Her stomach churned with fear. When Xiang Ze was onto his fifth lap, she couldn’t hold on anymore, covering her mouth, she had to rush to the toilet and threw up her afternoon’s lunch.

She rested in the lounge for a while, but was still not able to go back to the stand and watch the blood-curding race that was on; she went to out to the garden to have some fresh air.

“So, you’re here. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
Xiang Ze completed his 15 laps, not seeing her at the spectators stand; he had come out in search for her.
“I came out for a breather.”
“It is really good to see to you so relaxed” She told a happily smiling Xiang Ze
He nodded and said “Yes, Racing requires your complete focus and allows you to enjoy the feeling of being in control at extreme speed. It allows a person to totally forget about his troubles for a moment. Shi Jie and I had joined the car racing club when we were in England, whenever we finish our exams, we would come together and have a go at the circuit for 20 to 30 laps.”
His flushed face sparkled with joy and excitement
“Is the feeling similar to someone playing video games?”
“Yeah, I think so!”
“You like car racing but why is it that I’ve never heard you mention it before?”
“I’ve got lots of things that you’re yet to find out” He wanted to tease her
“Is it a lot?” She twitched her mouth and asked.
“There is a lifetime for you to find out!”
“I wouldn’t have that much energy to do so!” She turned away from him, blushing

“Let’s go in! I still want to get back in to give it a few more rounds”
Xiang Ze pulled her along, leading her back to the stand.

“Xue Zhang….” She stood on her tracks
“What’s wrong?”
Biting her lower lips, she looked at him questioningly, trying to sum up her thoughts and courage to tell him the truth.
“When you’re down on the tracks zooming round…. I… it is heart stopping to watch you.” She said haltingly
Her expression reminded him of a similar event that had occurred in the past.
He recalled the last time they were in Bristol, England; he had pulled her along to go for a car race. She was so frightened her face looked ghostly pale and her limps were wobbly after that.
“Oh! That’s the reason why you came out, isn’t it?” She nodded her head a little embarrassedly.

“Forget it then! Looking at how upset you are, I’m not going back in there.”
“You go on down and enjoy yourself! Such a hard to come by chance, I’ll be alright!”
She did not want to be such a wet blanket/spoil sport; he was in such happy and excited mood just now.
Unable to resist her insistence, he left her there and went back unwillingly
She had actually wanted to remind him to be careful but afraid that he’ll be worried, the words were swallowed back again.

That afternoon, Xiang Ze had a good time enjoying himself. Though she felt a little upset that she was unable to share his excitement, but seeing him so exhilarated, she is contented. On normal days, he would have a lot of work related stress and it is not possible for a few words of encouragement and tender loving care from her that will eliminate the stress. She need not have to always accompany him in whatever he does. He should have some personal time and space for himself.

That night, the guys were all still having a high from the car race.
The group of them went to the club for dinner and after that decided to visit the KTV for a singing session.
The usually shy and formal Xiang Zhe was being made to go up to the stage to sing a song.
He looked at her lovingly, sitting below and sang her the song “I’ll give you all”…..

He sang,
“I close my eyes tight, not willing it to open, only to thank you for coming into my heart, Thank you.”
He continued,
“If you’re tired, set your heart free and cry out loud! Let the pain be washed away by the tears, please stay in my arms.”
He serenade
“Let the painful memories of our past; be soothed, we’ll give each other comfort”
And he promised,
“I’m really not good enough, but I’m willing to give it all to love you……”

She looked at him intently
The recollections of the past, flashed pass; it seems so long ago and yet they’re all still so fresh in her mind
All this while, the person who is not good enough should be her!
She looked up at him with expressive eyes, in her heart, she told him softly “I’m really not good enough, but I’m willing to give it all to love you.”

Suddenly, his voice sounded right beside her ear “Zhen Shan Mei, please don’t cry! Your tears are the precious thing in this world to me. It hurt me most to see you cry.”
He walked up to her and held her hands.
She nodded her head with tears brimming in her eyes, holding his hands tightly. She wants to make sure that he will not have to worry about her anymore.

It was after 10pm and she is feeling a little tired; knowing that Xiang Ze had a few too many drinks, she made him send her back to her room. Perhaps it’s was due to the fact that she had played too hard earlier for after tossing and turning in bed for a long while, she still could not go to sleep. She had wanted to give him a call to chat, but was afraid that he is already asleep. In the end, she switched on her lights and opened the windows lying in bed; she counted the stars in the sky……

Dreamily, she heard the phone ringing. So fast and it’s dawn again?
She opened her eyes and starred at the clock on the wall, it was only slightly past 1 am.
“Hello, who’s that?”
It was Mei Na who had called
“Shan Mei, I’m really sorry to disturb you. Xiang Ze’s drunk, is it convenient for you to come over?”
Isn’t he supposed to be in bed already? Why he get drunk?
She changed her clothes quickly and rushed over to his room only to see Xiang Ze lying on the king sized bed, murmuring to himself.
“How did he get so drunk?” She asked Shi Jie worriedly and accusingly
“Normally he can hold up his own quite well”
He didn’t dare to tell her that the few of them had made him drink too much.

After sending Shi Jie off, she loosened his shirt and cleaned him up, soaking a hot towel for his head. It was auntie who had taught her what to do when her father had gotten drunk. She called for some hot water to make tea from the room service. Supporting his head, she made him drink some hot tea which is supposed to be able help dilute the alcohol level in his body. She also went back to her room to get the lavender essential oil that she always brings along wherever she goes. Not knowing if it’ll work, she sprinkled a few drops of oil onto his pillow just the same. After all the hard work trying to make him more comfortable, she finally managed to settle him down and made him feel better. Xiang Ze finally fall into a deep slumber.

“For no reason at all, why must you drink so much and get yourself drunk!”
Although she knows that he’s drunk beyond consciousness, she couldn’t help but reprimand him.
She stayed by his side till almost 3am; seeing that he is soundly asleep, she returned to her room.

When Xiang Ze woke up, it was almost 9am
He had too much to drink last night and he can’t even remember how he had ended up back in his room.
Noticing the towel, tea and essential oil bottle on the bedside table, he jumped out of bed. Shan Mei is not in the room.

After showering, he had went over to her room and knocked on the door. She wasn’t in her room.
He went around looking for her and found her in the park. She was enjoying herself on the swing.

“You’re awake?” She glanced at him
He smiled and sat down on the swing beside hers
“Last night…. Was it you who’ve looked after me?”
“Do you think it is that group of fair weather friends of yours who did?”
She covered her mouth and laughed. In her anger, she had called his friends fair weathered friends.
“I….didn’t cause too much trouble for you last night, did I” He asked a little embarrassedly
“You did…for the entire night!” She pouted and said

Last night, after drinking the tea she had made, he had sleep soundly like a baby! She was smiling to herself.
“Really?.....”Xiang Ze smiled suspiciously

She suddenly got up and punch him once on his chest “You hateful monster, you got up only when the sun has shone on your back. You’re supposed to accompany me for the boat ride!”
“Wow! You really hit me…it’s painful!” Xiang Ze caught her hand; her punch was really a little painful
“I’ll spend the entire day with you today, rowing the boat on the lake….and I’ll keep away from those fair weathered friends……” He said

Having kept away from all the others, they spent the entire day on Chongyang Lake.
The current in the lake is slow and its surroundings quiet and peaceful, besides the chirping of the birds and sounds of the gentle breeze, there isn’t any other disturbances. The air is crisped. With the surrounding mountains and lakes as backdrops, the place is shrouded with a mysterious kind of beauty.
They sat in the little boat, letting the breeze rock it gently on the lake, lost in their lover’s world, forgetting about the passing time until the setting sun streaked the horizon with hues of yellow gold did they realised that dusk has come.
That night, Xiang Ze drove into town and both of them had dinner and did some shopping around Chaeju town. It was past 10 when they returned to the hotel

Two straight nights of outings added on with the fact that she didn’t get a good night’s rest yesterday, she wanted to rest well tonight but was unable to sleep. Recalling that her lavender essential oil which can help in relaxation is still in Xiang Ze’s room, she had no choice but to go get it back.
She pressed the doorbell and waited for a long while before a wet looking Xiang Ze, dressed in his bathrobe came out to open the door for her. He was bathing.

“Oh….I’ll come back later then.” She blushed and lowered her eyes, telling him embarrassedly.

Xiang Ze pulled her in “I’ll be out in a jiffy”
“I…came to collect something”
Looking at how shy and embarrassed she is, Xiang Ze’s heart swelled with pleasure, he reached out his hand, trying to caress her cheeks but she smiled and stepped aside.
“You better go in and finish your bath!”
Xiang Ze simled “Wait for me!” He said again to make sure.
“Okay”
When Xiang Ze got out from the bath, he found her standing in the balcony.
“What are you looking at?” He placed his arms around her and asked
“The stars tonight are especially bright”
“You seem to prefer the stars to the moon”
She nodded her head “The moon is sometimes round but often imperfect which gives people a sense of sadness.” She asked him in return “How about you?”
“Me…I like the stars better…because…you’re in there too”
“What are you talking about again?” She looked at him
“Hey, didn’t you mention before that everyone can find a star up in the sky that will represent them?”
She looked at him in surprise. It was so long ago and yet he still remembered!
“In that case, have you found your star?” She asked
“Yeah! I’ve found it!” He nodded his head and replied
“Where?” She looked up at the vast starlit sky
“It’s that star that is sitting very close beside yours” He said
She heart is warmth and she said emotionally “Thank You”
“Why did you say thank you?” Xiang Ze smiled and asked
She smiled at him but did not reply, at that moment, her eyes shone even brighter that the stars.

“Why can you have such a big bed to sleep in alone?” She looked at his king sized bad and asked curiously
“Because….It was actually meant for 2” Xiang Ze said, straight face
“Oh!” She understand now and her face turned bright red
Their conversation suddenly stopped. The air in the room is filled with a sense of expectation, they looked into each other’s eyes; time seems to have came to a standstill. The only sounds that could be heard were their heartbeats and their breathing. After that, he kissed her.

Although he didn’t want it to end but at that very moment, he cannot and wouldn’t want make her stay. He loved her too much to hurt her.
He walked her back to her room, both holding onto each other’s hands tightly.
At the door, she released Xiang Ze’s hand and turned around to give him a hug. Gently and softly, she worded a “Thank You” at his ear.

“You’ve said thank you twice in a row tonight! What do you need to thank me for?”
Xiang Ze looked at her intently, her face is still flushed and it is mesmerizing.
She smiled and looked at him, not replying his question.
Xue Zhang, Thank You.
Thank you for walking with me through the storms, Thank you for loving me so deeply, Thank you for being my gentle rock; giving me the support whenever I needed it, Thank you for your understanding, Thank you for your care and concern, Thank You for your respect, in her heart, she told him.

“Thank you for accompanying me for the entire day, I’m very happy today” she said
“You’re only happy today?” He asked
She smiled, she has been very happy, everyday.
“Good night! Don’t you dare to sleep in late tomorrow, okay?” She gave him a quick peck on his cheek. With a smile that radiates happiness and contentment (Xing fu), she turned and entered her room.

She leaned against the door; replaying all the passionate kisses and love they shared just now. Looking up, she saw herself in the mirror; flushed and still a little lost in her own joy and wonderment, she blushed at her own thoughts.

The next day, the whole group of them drove over to visit Emerald Hill and the Nine Whispering Falls. Mei Na suggested that they go over to Nantai Island for a look see in the afternoon but Xinag Ze said that they already have an appointment. After lunch, they took their leave and left early.

“I’m Mr Yin, last week I’ve went to see the house….yes…I’ve brought my….friend along for viewing…., yes…, I’ll reach there around 3.30pm, can you please arrange us a viewing.” Xiang Ze started to make phone calls once he got into the car.
‘What’s the matter?” She asked curiously
“I’ve arranged for a viewing of a house”
“For no reason at all, why do you need to view a house?”
“Oh…I’m doing a favor for a friend”
He said it a little haltingly and puzzlingly, she feels a little suspicious.

The house Xiang Ze wanted to view is located at Shui Duan, not far from where she stays. It is a newly developed, high end residential district. When they reached the place, the agent from Zhong Jia Real Estate is already waiting for them,

“What do you think?” Xiang Ze asked her
She looked around and place and said “The land area is squared and the place is well ventilated and bright. The house sits on the north and faces the south. The building materials used by the developer are of high quality and the surrounding area is peaceful, it’ll make a very good home…. But it’s a little far away form the city and the facilities/amenities in this area has yet to be fully developed, does your friend have kids? She asked.

“Ah….not yet” He had to swallow hard
“It’s good then; the facilities/amenities around here will take another 2 to 3 years to be completely developed”
Xiang Ze went over to have a chat with the real estate agent, turning around and he couldn’t find her. She had gone over to the balcony to have a look.
“Don’t you think the scenery of this place is great?” He said
“Yeah, the air around here is fresh and from a distance, you can see the hills. It’s comparable/as good as/to your place”
“You’re right! You can even do a meditation here” He smiled and said.
“What meditation?” She asked curiously
“That meditation method that you usually recommend for unhappy people; ‘Ms Zhen’s meditation technique’ Oh! I remembered that it goes like this….look at the sky and take 3 deep breaths, next, look up into the star filled night sky and feel the gentle breeze against your face….”
Upon hearing that, she burst into laughter.
“Looks like your memory is pretty good too!”
“Well, it’s a free and wonderful technique, so I’ll never forget it”
“Once I saved enough money, I might just as well buy a house around here to stay” She said half-jokingly
“You really…like this place?” His tone was that of excitement and wonder
“I like it…” she nodded her head “But, I suppose it will cost a lot. I guess your friend is financially well-off to be able to afford this place huh!”
“He’s doing all right! All he has to do is work a little harder and change his car less often!”
“Oh, so he’s someone who love cars more than life itself, like you” She smiled and said.
In the 2 years that she has known him, he had changed his car twice.
“It might be tough for one person to bear the financial burden but if the husband and wife are willing to hard on it together, I suppose it should still be quite alright!” She said
“You really think so?” He asked appreciatively
“Why are you so happy about it? It’s not as if you’re the going buying this house.” She laughed and looked at him.

“Hey, can you help with the interior design?”
She smiled and shook her head. “No! I’m already got enough work to do at my current job; you’re not trying to overwork me are you?”
“Not even just this once?”
“It depends, we shall see!”

“Mr Yin, are you satisfied with this house?” The agent form Zhong Jia can read boby language very well and he is trying to push for the kill.
“Yeah, it’s pretty good; overall, I’m quite happy with this place. Let me give it some consideration. I’ll contact you again in a few days time.”

“Hey! How can you make decisions for others just like that?” She couldn’t help but reminded him
“Yeah, I can represent him completely”
“What kind of friend is he? This is such an important decision and yet he allowed you to represent him and make his decisions for him. Why have you never mentioned him before?”
“We’re the kind of friends that grew up together sharing the same pair of pants!” He replied vaguely.

“You really liked this place?” Once they’re in the car he asked her again
“Yes!”
“That is great then!” he smiled

On their way back, Xiang Ze whistled happily
“Why are you so happy!” she said
“Because you’re with me!” He reached out his right hand and caressed her cheeks lovingly

“My stomach is growling!” She smiled and said. “I’ll treat you to dinner tonight!”
“Why do you want to give me a treat?” He asked
“Because….I’ve yet to pay you for the cooking lessons!”
He has taught her how to make spaghetti some time ago and she had promised to give him a treat after that.
“Okay! So what do you what to treat me?”
“Oh, I’ll treat you to….a bowl of very expensive instant noodles!”
“Instant noodles?”
“Yes! Instant noodles.” She continued smiling

Her sweet smiled enveloped his heart. As long as she is by his side, he’ll enjoy whatever food that is given.