Hidden Love
Han Yu Pin Yin: Cang Ai
Author: Jennifer
Source: AAE Village
Translators: TS~*

Finally, after such a long time, she’s back in London again. Xiang Ze was not able to make the trip with her and she feels a little disappointed.

He has been very busy lately. Besides having to plan and make arrangements for the new season’s program, he also had to hold a board of Directors’ meeting and look into the joint venture with the broadcasting station in Japan. From dawn till dusk, his meetings are endless. Sometimes, she would have to go on for a few days without seeing him.

She had been sent to London by her company for a business conference. They had initially planned to take leave from their respective work to spend a few more days together, holidaying in London but he could not get away.

She had chosen to stay at the hotel where she had previously stayed before. The check-in clerk who was unable to turn down her request gave her the same room she had stayed in previously. If Xiang Ze were to find out, he would definitely tease her.
That night, right after the welcoming dinner, she couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel to give him a call.
“Hello…..Who’s that?”
Hearing his sleepy voice, only then did she recall that it’s already past midnight in Seoul. She had waked him up.
“It’s me! Did I disturb your sleep?” She asked apologetically
“Shan Mei?” He sounded wide awake again.

When she had arrived at Heathrow Airport earlier that day, she had called him to inform his of her safe arrival. At that time, he was in a meeting and was unable to talk to her. After work, he had tried calling her twice but was not able to reach her both times. He had fallen asleep waiting for her to call.

“Sorry, I forgot about the time difference” She smiled and said
“You’re not trying to tell me that you’re missing me and couldn’t go to sleep, are you?” Listening to her voice, he was energized again.
“Why would I want to miss someone who doesn’t mean what he had said?” She said teasingly
“Wow! You must have been cursing me all the way for my ears have been twitching non-stop for the whole day”
“Serves you right!” She said
She hasn’t been cursing him; she has been thinking about him and missing him all the way.
Because of the job requirement, Xiang Ze had been making lots of business trips. She thought she had learnt to overcome the sadness of having to bid him a goodbye, she thought she would be able to settle for the big warm hug he would always give her whenever he returns; that would be able to make up for missing him so much while he was away. But after having arrived in London, she realized that she had missed him terribly. Perhaps it is due to the fact that this is the place that holds their very first meeting and both their shared happy memories. This has been the place where all the happy memories had begun.

“I tried calling you several times but wasn’t able to reach you”
“The organizers had arranged for a tour of the Thames river and a welcoming dinner, I just got back”
“Wow! I really envy you! Where else did you go?”
“I’ve been round to St James’s Park for a walk”
“Oh, so how are our little quacking friends?”
He recalled the last time they were there. He had sat with her, watching her sketches of the ducks by the lake for the whole day.
“Yeah, they said hello to you!”
When he heard what she just said, he burst out laughing at the other end of the phone, having a hard stopping his own laughter.
“Did you miss me?” He asked
“I’m too busy to find the time to miss you!”
She had replied with the statement he had always used
“Hey, the ducks are more considerate that you are.” He said
“Really? Then …I’ll hang up!”
She really did hang up the phone, on purpose

Five minutes later, the phone on her beside table sounded. He had called
“Miss, why didn’t you inform me that you’ve changed your room?” He had a hard time pestering and begging the receptionist at the hotel before getting to her.
“Since you’re always so well informed, it would not be too difficult to find me!”
“Hey, aren’t room 816 the same room you’ve stayed in the last time you’re there? He laughed and asked
“Really? I didn’t realize it” She tried to sound innocent
She would definitely not want to admit that she had requested for a change of room, for she would sure to be teased
“Zhen Shan Mei…”
“What?”
Whenever he wanted to tease her, he would always address her by her full name.
“You’re….really cute!” His tone carried with it half concealed laughter
She knew he had guessed correctly

After hanging up the phone, her heart was as sweet as honey
She looked towards the glass shoe on the dresser table. Whenever she goes on a business trip, she would bring it along. She likes to imagine that the shoe has got a magical power, like that of an Aladdin’s lamp. All she needed to do was to rub it a little and from wherever he is, he would appear right before her that very moment.

For the next 3 days, she was busy attending seminars, discussions and activities organized and when she got back to her hotel, it was already very late. Afraid that she would disrupt his rest, she had to resort to giving him a call during her breaks to leave him messages on his voicemail, telling him how much she had missed him. Xiang Ze understands that she’s concerned with the time difference, and added on to the fact that both their schedules aren’t fixed; he came up with the idea of faxing her his love messages. He had told her that not many people in London would be able to read Korean so she need not be embarrassed.
Oh! In England, everything’s wonderful, just that there’s an 8 hour time difference.

Finally it is Thursday again. This is the last day of her conference and from tomorrow, she wouldn’t have to always stay alert to pay attention to her English speaking presenters/lecturers and make notes. She can relax and enjoy herself re-visiting London. She is happily looking forward to tomorrow.
Activities have been arranged for only half a day and it’s only after two when the closing ceremony ended. She took the tube to Knightsbridge where Harrods is located and spent her whole afternoon shopping in there. When she returned to her hotel, it was already past five o’clock. Xiang Ze hasn’t called or faxed her anything. It’s been two days since he’s contacted her. Perhaps he’s too busy, she thought.

The phone rang not long after she entered the room.
She picked up the phone hurriedly.
It was her father
“Daddy! Why are you calling? You’re supposed to be sleeping, it’s already past midnight!”
Counting the time difference, it should be already half past twelve back in Seoul.
“Well, daddy missed you! So how is it? Are you comfortable with the place?”
“Aiyo, daddy! This is not my first time here!”
In her father’s heart, she’ll forever be his little girl.
“I’m fine so please do not worry about me. You better go to sleep! Aren’t you going back to work tomorrow?” 
Normally, her father goes to bed by 10pm. Just because of wanting to speak to her, he had waited up late so that he can give her a call. She feels bad about making her father stay up late.
“Really girl… I’ve not spoken to you for 2 minutes and you’re hurrying me to hang up the phone.” Gui Chen complained indignantly
“Daddy…. I’m just worried about you not having enough rest and your health!” She replied
“Lass, tomorrow is your birthday, do you still remember? So I’m wishing you a Happy Birthday!”
Oh! Tomorrow is her birthday and she’s forgotten about it.
So, daddy had stayed up late just so that he could call and wished her a Happy Birthday. Tears brimmed from her eyes
“Daddy….”
After calling a out a word of daddy, there was silence the other end of the phone. All Gui Chen could hear was intervals of sniffing and sobbing. He guessed as much that his precious daughter is crying again.
“My little girl…you should be happy on your birthday so that in the coming year, you’ll be strong, healthy and happy! Daddy is not by your side so if you’re free, go buy yourself a birthday cake to celebrate!”
From young, every year on her birthday, her father would buy her a birthday cake to celebrate her birthday.
She wiped away her tears and replied “Okay, I will”
“Daddy’s going to bed”
“Oh…Daddy….. I love you” she said
Gui Chen replied happily “It’s been a long time since I’ve heard you tell me that, I thought the 3 words are exclusively for someone else now!”
Sigh! She’s afraid that the man she loves is so caught up with his work that he hasn’t got the time to think about her already!

The next day, the day was just about to break for dawn but she’s already wide awake. She didn’t care that it was only 6.00am in the morning; she just had to call the reception to check if there were any messages left for her but the reply was a negative. There were still no letters or faxes from Xiang Ze. She was disappointed for today is her birthday and she expected at least a word of blessing from him.

After breakfast, she returned to her hotel room dejectedly and started channel surfing aimlessly. She did not feel like going anywhere today.
The telephone rang
“Hello!” She answered the phone sounding tired and sad
“Why do you sound like a deflated ball!”
“Xiang Ze….” She was elated
Has he received her call out to him?

“Have you received my flowers?” He asked
“What flowers?”
“The flowers I’ve asked the florist to send over to you”
“I just got back; maybe I missed it…..”

The doorbell buzzed
“Hold on a minute, someone’s at the door, I’ll go have a look”
Opening the door, she saw a large of bouquet of Dublin Bay red roses before her, the pink heart-shaped card placed among the flowers was written in Korean and on it says “To my one and only love, from “Y”
She was surprised and touched by the familiar Korean script but did not think more to it.
“Do I have to sign the receipt?” She took over the flowers and asked. The large bouquet of flowers has blocked the face of the delivery man.
“Can it be replaced with a kiss instead?”
The voice she’s missed so much sounded beside her ear
Her glass shoe does indeed have magical powers; he had climbed every mountain and cross every sea to be beside her.

“Xue Zhang!” She walked into his arms, happy to be in his embrace
“Why are you here? Didn’t you say you’re too caught up with work?” She asked lovingly
He used his big strong hand to stroke her hair gently, holding her head against his chest
“It’s your birthday and if I cannot come over to spend it with you, I wouldn’t be call the Managing Director/CEO of MBS” he smiled and said
She looked at him in surprised “You’ve been promoted to Managing Director?”
 
“Yeah, on the second day after you left, the Board of Directors’ approved the promotion. Father insist that I stay behind till after the Board of Directors’ meeting. That’s the reason why I cannot accompany you over. I’ve applied for a few days leave from the company and will only take on the new job after I return.”
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
He smiled and said “Are you upset with me?”
He had wanted to give her a surprise
She shook her head happily.
“Looking at how happy you are, you must have missed me a lot, right?” He leaned his head against hers.
She smiled and twitched her lips, nodding her head vigorously
“Wow…. The saying that a little separation makes it feels like a new marriage is so right (Missing someone makes the heart  grow fonder is the English version but doesn’t express the underlying tone/meaning here so the literal translation)” He said wickedly
She blushed bright red and retorted “You….what nonsense are you talking about!”
“Ms Zhen Shan Mei…. Can you sign for the receipt now? He asked softly by her ear
She didn’t get what he tried to imply fast enough
“Hey, don’t you try to act clueless…”
He locked her in his arm and started kissing her sweet lips passionately…….

That afternoon, they took the tube to Notting-Hill and Portobello to visit the markets.
All along the way, she kept looking at him and smiling
“You’ve been so happy since you saw me this morning” He said
“Hey, did you bribe the receptionist?”
“What?”
“If not, how did you so coincidently happen to stay in room 612?”
Just now when he put his keys into the key-drop at the hotel, she had chanced on his room number.
“I learnt this stunt form my cute Xue Mei (junior), I’m just following by example” Xiang Ze laughed and said

Portobello road in London is famous for its antiques and art objects. On both sides of the road, besides being able to find antique treasures, there are also vendors that sell fruits and vegetables and other merchandise like new and traditional clothes, jewellery, shoes, bric a brac, ethnic goods etc.  It is also quite a common sight to find people performing on the street. Not only is it a tourist attraction, the local Londoners also enjoy coming down to Portobello to take in the atmosphere and simply to browse and watch the world go by.

When she is in Seoul, she had liked to visit stalls and flea markets that sell interesting and eccentric treasures. She enjoys being in places crowded with people and bustling with activities. There’s always a sense of excitement being part of it. She pulls Xiang Ze along as she went around looking at the array of goods around her.
“I really like London a lot” She said in delight
He looked deeply into her eyes and asked “Giving up the chance to further your studies and career in London, don’t you find it a pity?”
She was caught off guard for a minute or so before she replied “You found out about it?”
“Yeah, I coincidentally met your Shun Jing Jie one day and she told me about it”
“Do you really want/wish for me to come over here? She raise her head looked up at him
“I don’t want you to have any regrets”   
“You haven’t answered my question” She looked at him questioningly
“I….hope that you’ll stay by my side”
“Is that the reason why you gave me the glass shoe the other day?”
He nodded his head.
“You foolish man…….” She held onto his hand tightly, her eyes shining bright with unshed tears.

She pulled him along towards the little alley on her right and stopped in front of a small shop with a blue signboard that reads- The Travel Bookshop.
“The bookshop is still open” she said excitedly
He looked at her questioningly, all along the way; they’ve walked past a several bookshops that sell similar materials-travelogues, but why must she insist on visiting this quaint, small and unassuming one.
She knew that he is curious and so she smiled and explained “Remember the movie Notting Hill which starred Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant? This was where the male lead, Williams Thacker had opened his bookshop. I chanced upon it while shopping along this street the last time I was in London and someone had actually opened a real travel bookshop here and even got it named the same as in the movie! It’s a surprised that the shop is still in business.”

“Do you want to go in for a look?”
“No” She shook her head “I’ll just have a look from the outside”
I liked this movie very much
She raised her head and looked at him “You asked me just now if I would regret giving up the chance to further my career and studies in London” She looked at him compelling/deeply and continued “In the movie, Anna stood inside the bookshop and told William this “The fame thing isn’t real. Don’t forget-I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”
In life, there would be some people and some things that when you missed it, will never come back to you again. Xue Zhang, I’m also just a normal/common girl who hope/wish/look forward to have someone to love her and you are that man. I feel really lucky/xing fu to be able to have your love and to leave you would then be the greatest regret in my life.
When you give your heart to love someone completely, that person would be irreplaceable in your thoughts and mind/heart.

Her declaration of love touched him deeply. Unshed tears shone bright in Xiang Ze’s eyes.
The words that he had kept bottled up inside him for a long time needed to be expressed now “I wouldn’t bear the thought of having you leave me.” He pulled her into his tight embrace
“Thank you for not chasing me away” She hugged him tight

That night, Xiang Ze planned to take Shan Mei out to celebrate her birthday.
“You’ll have to dress up and be more handsome tonight” She turned back to take a glance at him and said
“Whatever for?” He crocked his eyebrows, his face beaming with smile
“So that you’ll be comparable to I am! I’m planning to……. dazzle and captivate you senseless tonight!” She said with exaggeration and laughter
“Trying to dazzle me senseless! Wow…it wouldn’t be so easy!” He said not believing for one moment he wouldn’t
For now, he is already dazzled by her wholesome beauty, almost to the point of losing his sensibilities.

When she appeared before him in a cream coloured; plunging neckline, back bearing evening gown, he was instantly and completely captivated by her.
“You’re…..really very beautiful!”
He looked at her in awe, intoxicated by the stunning beauty before him.
He smiled and looked at her elegant face, remembering her dainty and sweet smile, admiring her perfectly smooth and fair skin/complexion and her slender and sexy body. She’s an astounding beauty, she makes him weak in his knees and his pulse to accelerate, he is getting drunk even before he has dinner………

‘Xue Zhang!”
She tugged on his shirt sleeves gently, his hot and appreciative look over has made her blushed bright red and heartbeat to jump faster.
She regretted having worn the gown. That hateful sales lady had sworn that the gown is prefect for her and that it isn’t showing too much flesh. And to make sure that the gown is blunder/expose proof, she had requested that the shop assistant sew on a rose brocade for her at the low neckline. It seems like it’s not useful at all! It’s still very dangerous to wear this gown.
“Oh…..I think I better go change into another dress” She blushed deeply and said, stammering
“No/Don’t!” He pulled her back “ It is very good like this!”
She looked at him accusingly and said, pouting “Of course it’s very good for you!”
“Didn’t you say you wanted to dazzle me senseless?” Xiang Ze said, conceding defeat
“Oh! I hate you!”
“A new gown that you’ve just bought?”
“Yeah….” She had bought it while shopping at Harrods yesterday.
“Are you’re planning to wear it for me to see today?”
“Don’t think too highly of yourself, how would I know you would be here today?” She said
He put his arms on her shoulders happily and looking around to see that no one is around, gave her a quick and gentle kiss on her lips.
“Hold on!” Before entering the elevator, she took out her handkerchief and wipes away the lipstick that was on his lips.

They walk up to the taxi stand in front of the hotel; there were already a few groups of people waiting in line before them
“This is the place where I’ve first kissed you” He said, nostalgically
“Really? I’m afraid the kiss you gave was to another lady, right? She eyed him suspiciously
‘Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten?”
She laughed out loud in surprise “Don’t tell me you’re referring to that prank of a kiss you gave me?”
He nodded his head and smiled “Actually, it was more like a kiss which I couldn’t help myself from giving you”
She twitched her lips and smile and suddenly, she tip toed and reach over to give him a peck on his cheeks.
“And what is this for?” He touched his right cheek happily and asked
“This is also… a kiss which I cannot stop myself from giving you” She bit his ear and said softly

“Hey, you didn’t ask me where I’m bringing you to dinner.”
“This is your place! All I’ve got to do is to follow you!”
Her only request was that she must be able to see the stars/night sky from London
“Is that so? Do you mean that you’ll follow me till the ends of the earth in this lifetime?”
He’s really hateful. This man likes to pick on people’s slip ups.
“Wow, don’t you read too deep into it, you’ve been saying funny things of late!” She gave him a light punch
“What do you mean by ‘funny things’? I’ve never been more serious!”
Xiang Ze’s eyes burned bright with concealed passion, she blushed and turned her head away.

Xiang Ze brought her to The Strand at Somerset House to a French restaurant (Admiralty?). It’s a restaurant situated atop a building which allows her to see the whole of London city. From the courtyard, not only is the London’s night sky and city within view, the lights from Big Ben and Houses of Parliament illuminated the area surrounding it. From a distance, she could see the lights from the tiny tour boats with tourist crossing the Thames River. The interior of the restaurant is even more spectacular. All the furniture and fittings are imported straight from Italy and made with the finest quality marbles. The crystal chandeliers on the ceiling are affixed with light bulbs of 3 different colors- blue, yellow and white. With the combinations of lights put together, it seems like there were thousand of stars flicking in space. There was also a live band which added on to the romantic and cosy ambience of the restaurant. It is a place suitable for couples.

Xiang Ze had booked them a seat at one corner of the room, a corner where they have complete privacy and would not be disturbed. A world that would belong, only to them.

“Do you like it?”
“Yeah, this is a great place!” She leaned her cheeks on her hand in deep thoughts and looked happily at him.
“You said you wanted to see the stars” He smiled and pointed outside the window “The stars on London are all up above your head now, even the interior are filled with stars” He smiled and looked at her, telling her gently
The passion and love that is reflected in his eyes makes her senses drunk, she looked at him compellingly
“What would you like to eat?”
Xiang Ze asked twice before she realized that
“What are you thinking about, lost in thoughts?”
She flushed bright red and shook her head “Nothing much…”
Xiang Ze looked her shy and radiant features and his heart surged with love ‘You’re very beautiful tonight…….”
“You said that already” she hide her shyness and gave him a smile
“What food would you like to eat?”
“Oh…I would love….a Le Montrachet Lobster Bisque” she said delightfully
They both looked at each other and smiled
Yes! How can they ever forget their Lobster Bisque?

Xiang Ze ordered a few dishes of authentic French cuisine and even opened a bottle of red wine.
“Happy Birthday!” He took up his wine glass and gave her a toss
“You remembered” She smiled sweetly “If not for the call from my father, I would have forgotten about it”
Xiang Ze smiled; he had been counting and praying that this day would arrive earlier. How can he forget?
“Thank You for the roses”
She loved the bouquet of nine hundred and ninety-nine stalks of Dublin Bay roses that he had given her.
“Don’t you think it’s a little cheapskate to only give you roses on your birthday?” he asked
She shook her head “I’m already very happy that you could come over to London to spend my birthday with me”
Having him around; and his nine hundred and ninety-nine stalks of roses that symbolizes eternity is more than enough. This has been the most memorable and best birthday present she has ever received.
She felt so happy (Xing fu) that she wanted to cry
Xiang Ze felt for the thing in his pocket, he can’t wait to look at her expression when she receives her birthday present. She wouldn’t turn him down/reject him would she! He started to get worried.
“What are you thinking about?” She asked. He hasn’t spoken for a long while now.
Xiang Ze smiled and looked at her compellingly “I was thinking about …… one year later, two years later, ten years later, twenty years later on your birthday, from now on, every year on your birthday, I want to spend it with you,”
“Regarding this issue……, we’ll have to consider your future performance then!” She replied Xiang Ze playfully but in her heart, her sixth sense was telling her that there were more things to come. There seem to be an underlying meaning to all his statements/remarks today.

The slow and romantic music started and he led her to the dance floor.
They held on tightly together and started to dance, this is London so they needn’t bother about how other people will look at them.
She closed her eyes gently and gave herself to him. He leaned his face closely against hers and spoke into her ears softly, telling her how much he loved her, He kissed her soft and silky hair lightly, her neck….
She is mesmerized; she is drowned in the web of love; the waves of happiness and contentment washed against her, she wished that time will stop at this very moment……..

Suddenly, she heard the starting of the song “Could I have this dance” being played

I always remember the song they were playing
The first time we danced and I know
As we swayed to the music and held to each other
I fell in love with you
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life
Would you be my partner every night
When we lived together we feel so right
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life
I always remember that magic moment
When I held you close to me
As we moved together I knew forever
You are all I ever need
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life
Would you be my partner every night……………..

“I couldn’t forget the look you had on your face, that of being so touched; last time you were in my car when you heard this song being dedicated by a guy to his girlfriend” he said gently
She looked up at him
“Form that moment on, I have always hoped that perhaps one day, I too can be like that guy, dedicating this song to you and I hope you’ll be able to look at me and show me that smile that’s filled with happiness and love”
“Xue Zhang….”She looked at him, deeply touched
“Shan Mei…..are you happy/contented (Xing fu)?” He asked
“Yes, I’m very happy (Xing fu)” she nodded her head, very sure of herself
“Would you………. allow me to become the source of your happiness for the rest of your life?” He asked
She stopped in mid dance and looked at him stupidly
He took out the ring that he has kept in his pocket for the past two months “Shan Mei…….would you……Marry me?” He looked at her, full of hope and love
She looked straight into his eyes, tears brimming from hers
She tears made his suddenly feel a little worried
“Marry me!” He said
She wiped away her tears and smiled, nodding her head lightly
He was overjoyed! Taking her hands into his, he helped her put on the ring that symbolized their commitment and promise to each other.

He pulled her tight into his embrace, he face shining with smiles of happiness (Xing fu), for now, he can have the dance for the rest of his life.

“Xue Zhang……I’m not a very good cook!” She said
“Didn’t you already learnt how to make spaghetti”
“I’m also not very good at looking after people”
“It’s good enough that you know how to boil ginger soup for me to drink”
“I….”
“Hush…….”
Xiang Ze wouldn’t give her the chance to open her mouth anymore; he kissed her on her lips, hot and passionately. He didn’t care what others will think of them for this is London, the place where God had given them their happiness (Xing Fu)

She’ll never ever forget this very special night in her entire life, this night filled with love and happiness.
She’ll never ever forget each and every word that he had told her tonight,  she’ll never this night with the stars on the ceiling, she never forget that passionate and hot kiss that he had given her in front of everyone………………

Yin Xiang Ze, I’ll love you forever. No matter if it’s in this life or the next. She made a promise in her heart.

-------------THE END-------------------

Note from Author (translated)

Cang Ai will come to an end here
I’ve once again choose London to be the scene where the story ends, not just because I love London but it’s more because London is where Xiang Ze and Shan Mei had planted their destiny.

Thank you for accompanying me on my journey, not giving up on me and moving away. If not for all of you, I wouldn’t have withstood till the very end.

There is no earth-shattering love story in Cang Ai. What Cang Ai is about is the story of a couple. Of how they’ve loved and supported each other when this love wasn’t clear yet, it’s about how two people interacted with each other when the love was clear. Undeniably, in our world of fantasy/ under my pen, to some extent, it can compensate for the loopholes/lacking in the original story where some things were not clearly expressed, identified, defined and accounted for.  Though in reality, there will be many things that we cannot do or change, but at least in AAE, in my heart, Xiang Ze and Shan Mei’s love for each other is forever, an eternity.

Some sisters wrote and told me that Cang Ai reminded them of their first love, allowing them to revisit the feelings of falling in love all over again and I was no different. The memories of the times gone by once again surface in my mind. If Cang Ai did make you recall the sweet memories of your past, thank Xiang Ze and Shan Mei then! It’s from them that we had stolen some of the happiness.

It’s not enough to keep all the gratitude in my heart and make you all understand, sometimes it’s also necessary to say it out.
Just like how Xiang Ze declared his love for Shan Mei on top of MBS building, I, too want to tell you all this:
To have met all of you who liked Xiang Ze and Shan Mei, I’m gratefully happy