AAE -- For Better For Worse

Part 2 -- Chapter 28

by LoveCR2

edited by All-About-AAE

 

 

Sun-Mi hands a tumbler of bourbon to Hyung-Chul, then sits down on the terrace lounge chair next to his.

 

"Thanks." He takes a swallow.

 

 

She gazes into her iced tea while speaking, "I suppose you're wondering why I didn't tell you before?"

 

"Yes, but I figure you must have a good reason."

 

"Actually, I only found out myself when I saw the doctor on Friday," she reveals. "I was as surprised as you are now. It was the last thing I expected."

 

"What about your women's -- er -- monthly..." he awkwardly addresses the obvious.

 

"Mine was never that consistent," she states simply, explaining, "the doctor said it's possible to have some bleeding that seems like a regular period."

 

"So you had no clue you were pregnant?"

 

"My first thought was, how was it even possible? It's not as if I could have an 'Immaculate Conception' like St. Mary, Mother of God," she relates her puzzlement. "But then I thought about that night I slept over at your place, and realized what actually must have happened."

 

Hyung-Chul is amazed. "You really didn't know?"

 

Sun-Mi shakes her head.

 

"One moment I was at your kitchen table drinking wine, then I woke up in your bed the next morning, not remembering anything in between," she recalls. "I'd expected the first time to be a life changing moment, like in the romance novels, or exploding fireworks like they show on TV dramas. Since I didn't feel any different than before, how was I to know I wasn't still a virgin?"

 

"I'm sorry. I just assumed, from the note you left," Hyung-Chul apologizes.

 

"Don't blame yourself. I knew Auntie Song's warning about men and woman alone together, and I was the one to get so drunk I didn't know what I was doing," she affirms her complicity. "I should've expected it."

 

"Then you're not upset with me?"

 

"It's not something we can go back and change, so we have to accept things as they are," Sun-Mi shrugs off his worries with a forgiving smile. "You're only human, not God."

 

 

Relieved she is taking their new circumstances so well, Hyung-Chul moves on.

 

"Have you told anyone else yet?"

 

"No. I wanted to break the news to you first. Besides, I'm not sure what to say."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Who would believe what I just told you? I wouldn't even believe it! Everyone would look at me with disbelief. 'How did Sun-Mi get the Director to marry her? Oh. That's why!' she reflects on the likely response she will have to face. "For now, I want to keep this a secret, until my probation is over and I'm secure in my job."

 

"What about Auntie Jin? She's bound to figure it out, if she doesn't already suspect," Hyung-Chul presumes.

 

"I'd planned to tell her tomorrow," Sun-Mi replies, "after we announce that we're going to get married as soon as possible."

 

 

"What?!" Hyung-Chul does a double-take. "Did I hear you correctly? Marry? Now?"

 

"Isn't that what you've wanted?"

 

"Yes. But you intended to become a Catholic first."

 

"That will have to wait. I want our child to come into this world with a family, not with a single mother," Sun-Mi explains her change of mind. "Father Kim said we can still marry in the Church because you're a Catholic. It's the best we can do for now."

 

"How do you expect to arrange a big wedding in Seoul on such short notice?" he questions the plausibility of her thinking.

 

"I don't intend to. It's too soon after your breakup with Joo-Hee," Sun-Mi raises the complex mess they'd left behind. "You know how society is. It would only bring on another scandal."

 

"Then you want to get married here?"

 

"Yes. Father Kim said he can marry us next Sunday, right after Mass."

 

"Sunday?" he repeats questioningly, "How will anyone from Seoul be able to attend?"

 

"Your father has publicly disowned you, so he wouldn't come anyway," she reminds him. "And my father... well..."

 

"Don't you want him to give you away?"

 

 

Sun-Mi looks at Hyung-Chul uneasily. "When we told Daddy we wanted to marry, he asked if that was because I was pregnant. He didn't want me to marry just because I'd made a mistake," she explains the reason for her hesitancy. "What is he going to think now? He'll be so disappointed in me."

 

"Still, don't we have to tell him something?"

 

"I thought I'd just say that we decided not to wait, and elope. Daddy doesn't have to know why. Not right now."

 

He is not convinced. "You really want to get married so soon?"

 

"Yes. We'll have a private ceremony, in the church. Just us and Auntie Jin to be our witness. No guests or elaborate dinner," Sun-Mi spells out her Spartan plan. "You can wear a suit, and I'll wear my new pink dress."

 

Her sudden, complete about-face troubles Hyung-Chul. He recalls the extravagant affair Sun-Mi had described, the careful consideration she'd put into the smallest details of her ideal wedding. It was to be, in her own words, her 'big day ... the most wonderful and happiest day of my life'.

 

"I know how much you wanted it to be a very special day. You must be very disappointed."

 

Sun-Mi quickly dispels his concern with a smile. "Why? None of those things really matter. Only the vows we make to each other before God. That's enough to make it special, right?"

 

"Yes, of course, but..."

 

"The rest is window dressing," she continues on blithely. "Why spend a lot of time and money on an inconsequential party? Who needs it?"

 

"This isn't like you. At least , don't you want a white wedding dress?" he appeals to her sense of style and tradition.

 

 

His remark unknowingly touches a sore spot, and Sun-Mi erupts, her voice rising angrily, "Why would I want that? So the whole world will see me as a hypocrite?!"

 

Hyung-Chul knows there were two things that Sun-Mi hated more than anything: First, being the last to know. And second, hypocrisy...

 

"So that's what this is all about?" he challenges her. "You want to hide the truth, because you feel ashamed?"

 

 

With her facade breached, Sun-Mi lashes out self-disparagingly, "Shouldn't I be? I've always boasted how I believed in 'old-fashioned' virtues, in the proper progression of things, acting like I was some kind of saint. And then, in a careless moment, I betrayed all my values!"

 

She turns away to cover the tears wetting her face. "I'm so disappointed with myself. Disgusted, even."

 

 

"I was wrong, accusing you," Hyung-Chul recants, burdened by her tears. "I'm sorry. But you're being too hard on yourself. We all fail to meet our expectations. That doesn't make you a hypocrite. You're only human, too."

 

But she still worries, "What am I going to say when our child asks why he exists? That it was because Mommy got drunk one night before she married Daddy, and he's a mistake?"

 

"All you need to say is that Daddy loved Mommy so much, that he didn't care she wasn't the perfect person she tried to be," Hyung-Chul replies. "And like every child, he is God's gift from that love to Mommy and Daddy."

 

When he finishes, Sun-Mi's eyes are sparkling through her tears.

 

"Thank you, so much," she whispers, her voice breaking over the lump in her throat. "I got so caught up in my own failures, that I forgot God loves us and blesses us despite our imperfections."

 

 

She reaches out and places her left hand over his right, gazing down at the diamond ring he had placed on her finger, the symbol of his promise of loving her for life.

 

"Knowing you has been the best blessing in my life," she repeats his brash assertion, made as she was about to leave London after first meeting him. "And having your baby will be the second best blessing. Nothing else matters as much to me."

 

 

"Then you have no regrets?" he probes. "About the wedding?"

 

"It's not everything I'd hoped for, and I wish I could have done things right," she expresses her true feelings, "I'm disappointed, but I'll be fine."

 

"And the baby?"

 

"Only that I don't feel ready," she admits to her fears. "It's scary to think I'll soon be a mother. What if I don't do it right?"

 

"Actually, I'm afraid, too. How can I be a good father, growing up like I did?" he shares his own feelings of inadequacy. "But you don't need to worry. I know you'll be a great mother."

 

"Do you really mean that? You said that I'm immature and petty, still acting like a child myself," she grumbles back. "How can I be a good mother, when I make so many mistakes?"

 

 

"Then we'll have to help each other, work together to become the best mother and father possible," he declares.

 

"But neither of us feels at all competent!" she protests. "Aren't you assuming too much?"

 

"Yes, if it was anyone else," he agrees, then asserts, "But I can believe, because it's you."

 

 

Feeling unworthy of his trust, Sun-Mi lowers her eyes. "You say that so easily," she reproves him lightly. "What if you're wrong?"

 

"It's what my heart tells me," he states confidently. "What does your heart tell you?"

 

 

After a moment of contemplation, when she looks up again, Sun-Mi's brilliant smile is all he needs for an answer.