AAE -- For Better For Worse

Part 3 -- Chapter 28

by LoveCR2

edited by All-About-AAE

 

 

Sun-Mi sits at the kitchen table, her gaze drifting out the window to the empty courtyard below. The cracked pavement is stitched with brittle patches of grass, browned by the summer heat. The morning haze has dissipated, a layer of tufty white pillows lingers overhead in a mild breeze. A lone pigeon pecks aimlessly at the ground, wandering indifferently.

 

On the table, a vase holds yesterday's flowers, a bouquet of red roses and pink alstroemerias. A spot of cheerful color, but also a reminder of a long, quiet day ahead until her husband returns home. Her morning cup of medicinal tea grows cold as she talks on the phone, cradled between her shoulder and ear.

 

"I'm starting to show now, Daddy!" she says enthusiastically.

 

"Already? That's wonderful." Her father's gravelly voice warms her like a cozy sweater on a cold day. "How are you feeling?"

 

"The doctor says I'm healthy. I'm resting more this time."

 

"That's good. You must take care of yourself, Sun-Mi."

 

"I will. I promise."

 

"I miss you."

 

"Me, too."

 

"Bye now."

 

"Wait... Don't go. Your Auntie wants to talk."

 

 

Sun-Mi barely has time for a sip of tea, before her aunt's voice comes over the line.

 

"Your father's gone to get ready for bed," Gui-Sun says quietly. "Now we can speak honestly. How are you really feeling?"

 

"Like I said -- I'm fine."

 

"You're talking to a woman, not your father. You can't fool me. Last time, you said you were fine, too. But..."

 

"Auntie..." Sun-Mi's fingers tighten around the teacup. The reminder of her miscarriage still stings.

 

"I'm sorry, but you can't be too careful."

 

Sun-Mi sighs. "All right... My morning sickness is worse lately. I'm tired. I feel nauseous most of the day. Satisfied?"

 

"Why didn't you say so before?"

 

"Because you'd worry. But I'm taking Korean medicine -- it helps. I can get around, do what I have to do. Cook a little. Keep the house up."

 

"That's good. Are you eating enough?"

 

"Usually by evening I can keep food down. I haven't lost weight. It's true -- the doctor really did say I'm healthy."

 

"Still, you're on your own, with a baby due soon," Auntie Jin frets. "If it weren't for your father, I'd come in a heartbeat."

 

"Don't even think of it! You take care of Daddy. Senior will look after me," Sun-Mi replies firmly.

 

"After everything that's happened, I don't trust him. How can you?"

 

"It's different now. He just started a new job."

 

"Doing what?"

 

Sun-Mi hesitates. "Well... actually, I don't know. He won't say, not even a hint."

 

"Huh? More secrets?"

 

"He promised to tell me when he finishes training and gets his first paycheck."

 

"What good are promises? What if it's all another lie? You had to quit you job at the diner. How are you going to live?"

 

"It's not like before. Senior has changed. He stopped smoking and drinking. He leaves for work at 2 a.m. and comes back at 8 p.m., without a whiff of cigarettes or alcohol on his breath," Sun-Mi says proudly. "He even brings me flowers again."

 

"That's an improvement, but..."

 

"I'll tell you everything, once I know. I promise," Sun-Mi states.

 

"Okay, but..."

 

"Let's talk again soon. Bye, Auntie."

 

 

Sun-Mi rings off and surveys the small room. The flat feels tiny, constraining, the silence heavy, the four walls pressing in on her. She searches for something that needs to be done. Anything to keep her mind occupied. But after weeks off work, everything is spotless. Scrubbed clean. Sorted. Rearranged -- even the closets and kitchen cupboards.

 

Finishing her tea, she sets the empty cup down.

 

She picks up a dog-eared romance novel she had started -- one brought home from the local Korean bookstore's 'free-for-the-taking' rack -- but doesn't open it. The stories that had once enthralled her with visions of romantic bliss now feel shallow and trite. Real life is harsh. More cruel, less certainty. There's no happily ever after.

 

When she puts the novel down again, Sun-Mi sees the bookmark she had used  -- the card Cielo had written her mobile number on. Pulling it out, she turns it over in her hands.

 

"It's just a call..."

 

Her mind wanders to Cielo, and Ericka. A few weeks ago at this time, they were laughing over coffee, swapping gossip and makeup tips, before going up to the lounge. Even Cherise's sharp barbs and Judith's cold critiques seem preferable to the silence surrounding her.

 

She reaches for the phone, picks up the handset, then hesitates -- holding it in midair.

 

Hyung-Chul's disapproval echoes in her mind -- "What man wants his wife parading her body ... It's shameful for him."

 

Taking a deep breath, she sets the handset down again, and inserts the card back into the book.

 

 

She gets up to return the book back on the shelf with the others, noticing her mother's diary. She lifts it gently, holding it in both hands. Inside are hopes and dreams. Pain and despair. And final words to a daughter she would not see grow up to become the TV celebrity she had once aspired to be herself.

 

"Mother, there's a lot of questions I wish I could ask you," she murmurs aloud. "I miss you, so much. If you were here, right now, would you be proud of me? Or disappointed?"

 

Sun-Mi puts the diary down. Going to the sink, she rinses the teacup. As she reaches to set it on the drying rack, it slips from her fingers, clattering against the plastic. She stares at her hand. Flexes her fingers. Rubs them.

 

 

A loud rapping sounds at the door.

 

Sun-Mi startles at the unexpected visitor. She takes a tentative step toward the bathroom. Then decides against it, patting her cheeks and smoothing back her hair for a quick fix instead.

 

Forcing a smile to her lips, she crosses the room and opens the door.

 

A middle-aged woman stands outside, wearing a blazer over her tailored dress, red leather tote slung on her shoulder. In her arms, she carries a large cardboard box sealed with tape.

 

"Hello, I'm Jang Mi-Jung -- the chemist?"

 

"Oh... Yes... Please come in," Sun-Mi says warmly.

 

Mi-Jung steps inside.

 

"Can I get you something to drink?"

 

"No need. I'm on my lunch break," Mi-Jung says with a clipped, businesslike tone. "I just wanted to check in on you."

 

They sit down on the worn couch. Mi-Jung places the box on the coffee table.

 

"How are you feeling?"

 

"Better. The medicine really helps."

 

"Good." Mi-Jung takes a small wrapped package from her tote. "This is for the second trimester. Use a pinch, twice a day."

 

"Thank you. I will."

 

"And this..." She taps the box lightly. "is for the baby."

 

"What is it?"

 

"Clothes. Newborn to six months. My circle at East London Baptist did a collection. Since we didn't know whether it's a boy or girl, there's some for either."

 

"You didn't have to -- I'm not even Baptist. Surely there's someone in your church who..."

 

"Nonsense!" Mi-Jung interrupts, waving a hand. "We're all God's family in Christ."

 

Sun-Mi lowers her eyes, kneading her hands in her lap. "Thank you so much."

 

Mi-Jung reaches over and places her hand on Sun-Mi's, touching them gently. "Do they ache? Tingle? Feel numb? Are you dropping things?"

 

Sun-Mi nods, smiling weakly. "It's nothing. I've always been a bit clumsy."

 

"Grip my hand."

 

Sun-Mi does.

 

Mi-Jung nods sagely. "I thought so. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome," she clucks. "It's common in pregnancy, from the swelling. Be sure to stretch and massage your hands and wrists every hour or so. And you can use acupressure, like this."

 

She turns Sun-Mi's hand palm up, and presses in the center of her wrist, on the crease, between the two tendons.

 

"Feel better?"

 

Relief floods Sun-Mi's face. "That's amazing!"

 

"If it gets worse, I can send something more specific."

 

"Thank you."

 

 

Mi-Jung smiles. "One more thing, before I go. Would it be all right if I prayed for you and the baby?"

 

Sun-Mi hesitates. "Well..."

 

"If you're not comfortable..."

 

"No. It's okay. I was just surprised."

 

Mi-Jung holds both of Sun-Mi's hands. They close their eyes and bow their heads.

 

"Dear Jesus," she begins, speaking like she is talking to a close, older, friend, not a distant enigma. "In your grace and mercy, bless your daughter Jin Sun-Mi and the fruit of her womb. Surround them with the power of your Holy Spirit. Nurture them with your presence. Fill them with your love. Heal their bodies, especially Sun-Mi's hands, so that she may be able to do the work you have set before her... In Your name. Amen."

 

"Amen," Sun-Mi echoes, her voice a whisper.

 

She opens her eyes, glistening with tears. "Thank you for the prayer. I feel better now."

 

"Praise God, not me."

 

"You don't know how much this means, your coming here today. Lately, I've felt so... alone."

 

"You're not alone." Mi-Jung gives Sun-Mi's hands a squeeze. "God's Spirit is always with you."

 

"I know -- we used to attend church -- we're Catholic," Sun-Mi reveals. "But, things happened, and we stopped."

 

"Whatever it was, you don't need to be afraid," Mi-Jung advises. "God forgives, so we must, too."

 

"Before, there was... gossip. I've been afraid to go back, because of what some people might say."

 

Mi-Jung nods. "Even as believers, relationships can be hard. Our church is filled with people who are on their second, and third chances. You're always welcome. No one will judge you."

 

"I appreciate that. Maybe -- I'll talk to my husband. But right now he's very busy."

 

"Of course," Mi-Jung opens her wallet and gives Sun-Mi a card. "This is the address and service times. My number's on the back. If you ever need anything -- anything at all -- just call."

 

"I will. And thank you again."

 

"Do you have a Bible?"

 

"No. The priest always read from the Scriptures at Mass."

 

"I find reading it myself brings comfort. I feel closer to God. Would you like to have one for yourself?"

 

Sun-Mi nods. "Yes. I think so."

 

Mi-Jung takes out a thin black book, embossed with silver Hangul, from her bag.

 

She hands it to Sun-Mi. "It's a New Testament and Psalms. You might start with Psalm 23."

 

Sun-Mi holds it reverently. "Thank you."

 

 

Rising, they go to the door. Sun-Mi sees her off to the stairway, where they hug briefly before Mi-Jung goes down. Sun-Mi watches at the railing as she walks, red tote swinging at her side, toward the bus stop.

 

Returning to her flat, Sun-Mi curls up on the couch. She opens the Bible and finds Psalm 23. Softly, solemnly, she reads aloud...

 

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside quiet waters.

He refreshes my soul..."