AAE -- Wishes Of The Heart

Chapter 10

by LoveCR2

edited by All-About-AAE

 

"But now, because of you, I feel so useless... Now, I can't do anything at all, except cry." -- Jin Sun-Mi

 

Sun-Mi waits... and waits... the few seconds stretching interminably. But the moment she anticipates fails to materialize on cue.

 

Finally, Hyung-Chul speaks: "You're fine now, it's just those few pieces..."

 

She opens her eyes, confused. "W..What?" she gasps.

 

He looks at her quizzically. "Rice -- on your face," he explains, showing her the grains stuck to his fingers.

 

"Oh…" she replies, trying not to sound disappointed. "Was that... all?"

 

"What did you think it was?"

 

"Ehm... nothing." She quickly turns away before her face shows her embarrassment, pondering how she'd misinterpreted his intentions so completely, and almost made a fool of herself.

 

Hyung-Chul is thinking too... of the ring box in his pocket... if this is the right time and place. He recalls Sun-Mi's feelings, how this is 'the kind of magical place where perfect memories are made' -- and decides: What better memory could they make here, than to commit their lives and love forever?

 

He is slowly reaching into the pocket, trying to conceal his move from Sun-Mi so he can surprise her, when she abruptly turns back.

 

"What is it?" Hyung-Chul asks when he sees her downcast expression.

 

"I was just thinking... of how it used to be," Sun-Mi explains. "We often came to hike on this mountain: Daddy, Ms. Song, Woo-Jin and I... Woo-Jin found this place and brought me here. At first I was scared to climb so high up, but Woo-Jin told me to not be afraid, I could always trust him to be there for me. So this became a special refuge -- our own secret place -- where I could dream I was whatever I wanted to be, do whatever I wanted to do..."

 

Hyung-Chul is intrigued. "What did you dream?"

 

She points up. "Look..."

 

His eyes follow her hand.

 

"See those birds? The hawks and eagles soaring on the wind? I would dream I was like them, flying freely over the mountains, above the clouds. Flying away to faraway places, with nothing to hold me back."

 

Sun-Mi looks up at the puffy clouds dappling the sky. "How simple it was, imagining you could fly away from your problems." She looks down and sighs softly. "But simple dreams, like simple promises… are for children to believe; adults must face the truth of their reality."

 

Hyung-Chul takes her hand. "Regardless of the reality we face, hopes and dreams are still possible," he reassures her.

 

"Is it?" she wonders. "I'd hoped this place would be as special, like before… but… it's not the same now... not without..."

 

She doesn't have to say the name for Hyung-Chul to know what she means. His face darkens with jealously as a specter looms large in his mind: How can he compete with a memory that can't die, with a ghost that won't ever go away?

 

Sun-Mi senses the change in Hyung-Chul's temperament, and tries to clarify herself: "Senior, actually, I came here, hoping to create new memories... with you... But I didn't expect the old ones to be so... overwhelming... I'm so sorry it turned out this way..."

 

She looks into his eyes, hoping to convey her sincerity. "It's not because of Woo-Jin... it's not because of you... it's only because of me..." she declares.

 

"That doesn't matter," he insists. "You are you, that's all I care about."

 

"But it does," she persists, "I... I'm not the good person you think I am."

 

"I know the person in front of me is someone kind and generous, someone who cares without reservation, someone who brings happiness to people," he argues.

 

"You see what you want to see," she disagrees strongly. "But what if it's only an image that you take pictures of with your eyes? Think about reality, can a real person ever be so good? What if I'm really someone who is selfish, someone who doesn't care about others' happiness, someone who does anything to get what she wants for herself?"

 

He looks at her incredulously. "Why are you suddenly talking like this?"

 

She closes her eyes and takes deep breath before opening them again.

 

"Why? Because, coming here... now I finally understand, why I clung so long to Woo-Jin, and fought so hard with Young-Mi. It was to avoid facing the reality of who I am. But now that Woo-Jin and Young-Mi are gone, I have only myself, only my reality, left."

 

"Whatever that reality is, surely we can face it together," he encourages her.

 

She looks at him plaintively and shakes her head. "I'm not sure it's something I can ever share with anyone. All I say right now, Senior, is that I need more time to figure things out... I'm sorry."

 

Hyung-Chul offers his hand, but Sun-Mi is reluctant to take it.

 

"I feel like I've let you down again," she says guiltily, doubt and pain clouding her eyes, "I'll understand if ... you want to let me go."

 

"Regardless, Sun-Mi, whatever happens, I'll..."

 

She interrupts, anticipating his words. "Don't say you'll wait, or I'll only feel more guilty toward you..."

 

"Then I won't," he accedes to her wish. Instead he finds the small rock in his pocket, takes it out to show her, puts it in his palm and grasps her hand with his, squeezing it tightly. He doesn't have to say anything... her words resonate in both their thoughts...

 

'It's two hearts, entwined together at creation, and now fused for eternity.'

 

Sun-Mi looks at their joined hands, her lower lip trembling, her eyes rimmed with tears.

 

"Senior, you're so unbearable," she grumbles. "If you were upset, then I could be angry too. If you argued with me, then I could yell back. But now, because of you, I feel so useless... Now, I can't do anything at all, except... cry…"

 

She hides her face against his chest and sobs deeply, releasing a flood of pent up, bitter, frustrated tears.

 

Her crying, because of him, is crushing... "Jin Sun-Mi … Don't cry again … More than anything in the world your crying hurts me...'"

 

A corner of the ring box pokes into his side, a pointed reminder of another opportunity almost gained, then lost. He will have to wait for the next perfect place, the next perfect time, to make his own dream for the future a reality...