AAE -- Wishes Of The Heart

Chapter 29

written by LoveCR2 -- 2005

edited by All-About-AAE -- 2017

 

"I was living a dream, but then I woke up and realized that it was a wish for a life that wasn't mine." -- Jin Sun-Mi

 

 

"You're sure you're making the right decision?" Kui-Sung asks Sun-Mi as he stands in her bedroom door, watching her pack.

 

Sun-Mi reaches up and takes out a red sweater from her wardrobe closet, holds it up while she studies it critically, then puts it back on the hanging rod and chooses the white sweater next to it instead.

 

"Daddy, it's a great opportunity," she replies with a forced smile as she takes the sweater off the hanger and steps back to her bed, where a large luggage sits open, mostly filled.

 

"But this is so sudden. You just made the decision."

 

"Actually, I've had several weeks to think about it and make plans since I was selected to replace Yoo Joo-Hee," Sun-Mi reminds him. "It just took me some time to be sure it was the best for me..."

 

She lays the sweater out on the bed, smoothing the wrinkles first, then folding it carefully as she continues. "I need to learn more and broaden my skills, if I want to become the top news announcer in Seoul."

 

Kui-Sung is still skeptical: "I thought you'd changed your goal, to be a talk host. When did it change back?"

 

"When Young-Mi decided to go back to the orphanage, it made me reconsider," Sun-Mi recounts the 'reason' she'd prepared to answer that very question. "Seeing how she'd dedicated herself to such a difficult path, I realized I was selling myself short as just a talk host. Like Director Yoon told me before, I should always work harder, to the best of my ability, to be a real celebrity..."

 

She puts the sweater in the luggage, and concludes: "Even if I fail, this way I won't have regrets. I'll have given it my all... I want you to be proud of me, Daddy."

 

"I'm proud of you right now," he replies. "But... it's going to be so different without you here."

 

Sun-Mi looks at the sorrow creasing his usually jovial face. She gives him a hug -- one that is as necessary for herself as for him.

 

"You have Auntie now to take of you, a new life to live," she encourages him. "It's a new life for me, too, with nothing to hold me back, like in my childhood dreams: I can fly over the mountains and oceans, like a bird soaring above the clouds... remember I used to tell you that? Now those dreams are going to be real."

 

"Still, it's a father's prerogative," he frets, "to worry about his only daughter."

 

"I'll be back, Daddy," she promises. "This isn't forever, you know... only until..."

 

"Is there something you're not saying?" Kui-Sung probes gently, sensing an opening. "You can tell Daddy what's on your heart."

 

Instead of answering right away, Sun-Mi walks over to the window to look outside, down at the garden, and the gate -- a habit every day since the morning she'd found a rose there -- knowing that there will never be another left for her...

 

"I was living a dream," she says quietly. "But then I woke up and realized that it was a wish for a life that wasn't mine. This dream is mine alone. I understand now that no one can be responsible for my life, or my happiness, except me."

 

Kui-Sung's expression softens. "Today, you remind me so much of your mother," he tells her. "My little girl, so grown up."

 

Tears fill Sun-Mi's eyes. "I'll always be your little girl," she says, her voice breaking with emotion. "Daddy, I'm going to miss you, so so much..."

 

She crosses the room to hug him again.

 

"I feel so sad," she bares her feelings. "Leaving everything..."

 

"It won't be forever," Kui-Sung recalls her words encouragingly. "I'll make you something to eat; that will help you feel better."

 

But Sun-Mi isn't ready to let him go just yet...

 

"Daddy, tell me how much you'll miss me.." she asks, recalling the little game they'd played when she was little and he had to travel.

 

He spreads his arms wide, and replies jokingly: "High as the sky and deep as the ocean!"

 

They laugh together, and in that positive mood Kui-Sung leaves to go down and make their dinner.

 

 

After her father has left, Sun-Mi sits down at her desk and opens the middle drawer on the right side. She takes out a thick manila envelope and empties it onto the desktop, spilling out an assortment of picture postcards and greeting cards.

 

By habit she'd kept, as precious memories, every card from Hyung-Chul since they'd met in England. They'd been a source of encouragement, and sometimes inspiration, over the years when she'd faced difficult situations.

 

She picks up a postcard with a picture of London's Big Ben from the pile. After reading the handwritten message on the back, she puts the card down and looks over at her luggage, packed full. "Like old dreams, there's no need any more for old memories," she tells herself resolutely.

 

Picking up the cards, she reads each in turn, savoring the memory once more before dropping the card into the waste bin by her desk. One by one they fall, until she has no more cards, and no more memories, to lean on. She will have to make new ones to sustain herself now.

 

Still in the drawer is a black video cassette. Sun-Mi suppresses an urge to put the tape into the VCR and watch again the scenes Hyung-Chul had compiled to encourage her, as a peace offering to end their cold war, and a promise for a better future... "I'll always make you smile like this."

 

She reflects on how not all promises can be kept, even well-intentioned ones... 'Sometimes business has to come first before love'...

 

Hyung-Chul had made that clear to her back then, albeit in different words -- that MBS, and what it symbolized as family -- came first; it must always be first...

 

... with great power comes great responsibility... "Voltaire said that, right?" she reminds herself. But although the circumstances are similar, the results needn't be... this time she can let go, and find a way to smile without him ...

 

 

"Sun-Mi! Food is ready," her father calls up from the kitchen, interrupting her reflections.

 

"Coming, Daddy!" she calls back down.

 

As she gets up from the desk, Sun-Mi drops the video cassette in the waste bin, with the cards. One more memory she has no need to keep...