AAE -- Wishes Of The Heart
Chapter 123
written by LoveCR2 -- 2005
edited by All-About-AAE -- 2018
"Of course angels don't fall through clouds... because they're really in heaven... everyone knows that." -- Jin Sun-Mi
Sun-Mi looks down at the cotton-ball, puffy white clouds, edges tinged with shimmery gold. Through gaps in the clouds, she can make out the tall craggy peaks below... the destination of her dream...
She looks back, squinting into the dusky orange circle of the sun settling into the curved horizon. Far behind is the Eagle's Nest of her childhood, where she had begun her long journey. Across time and distance, it seems so small and insignificant now. Perhaps had she known how long and hard the journey would take, she'd never have dared to come this far on her own. But she did, and she has arrived, ready to turn from the past, and embrace the future with outspread arms...
She circles down in a wide, lazy spiral. Far below, she knows she must appear like a large soaring bird, the eagles she'd once admired from afar, or perhaps like the angels in their white gowns tinged with gold. Sun-Mi chooses one of the clouds and lands. Though her feet are obscured in the thick mist, she doesn't fall through...
Of course angels don't fall through clouds... because they're in heaven... everyone knows that ... she muses to herself.
Then the mist evaporates in the breeze, and Sun-Mi is standing on the precipice of a tall mountain peak, higher than the others surrounding her, that stand like sentinels in ranks as far as she can see. Below, the deep valleys are cast with darkening shadows as the sun drops further; only the tallest peaks catch the golden light now.
She hears a rumble, like thunder, and looks up for the approaching storm, but only drifting clouds float above. Then the ground shakes, and the mountain explodes with volcanic force as a billowing cloud of fire and brimstone erupts from it.
In an instant, the heavenly pinnacle of her dreams has become a hellish vision of nightmares. The dense smoke blots out the view as threatening flames burn higher, rapidly ascending the sheer face. The intense heat is growing unbearable, but she is not afraid in the face of death...
She can fly.
Sun-Mi spreads her arms wide and leaps off the precipice. But the super-heated air fails to support her, searing her lungs deeply as the flying soot blinds her. Down she plunges, into the purgatory of scorching flames and murky smoke.
As the darkness closes around her, too late she recognizes the truth. She can't fly, she could never fly... It was all just a dream... but the reality facing her now is not...
Somehow she passes through the flames unharmed, bursting out into a clear expanse of space. Though eerily calm, the air rushes by faster as she accelerates down, falling toward the darkness below. Sun-Mi counts off the seconds... 3... 4... 5... knowing that before she reaches 10, her fall, and her life, will have ended...
She closes her eyes, preparing for what must be an inevitable fate. But then, a quiet voice from somewhere speaks -- urging her to challenge fate, to believe that life doesn't have to end here.
All she has to do to save herself, is fly again...
Sun-Mi tries to shout, "I want to live... I want to fly..." but the wind whips the words soundlessly from her lips as the yawning black abyss nears, and her final seconds count down... 7... 8...... 9........
JOHN HOPKINS HOSPITAL, BALTIMORE...
"NO!" ... With a shudder and that anguished cry of terror, Sun-Mi's eyes suddenly open wide, staring up from her gaunt face into the nothingness...
"It's just a another bad dream, you're safe now," Su-Ji calmly offers reassurance as she pats away the beads of cold sweat from Sun-Mi's brow with a soft cloth.
Sun-Mi reaches out with a trembling hand, groping about, until Su-Ji grasps the hand and holds it tightly.
"Don't be afraid," Su-Ji says soothingly, "We're here with you. Everything will be all right."
Gradually, Sun-Mi's apprehension lessens. She stops trembling as her body relaxes from the shock.
"I was falling... into darkness... about to die," she rasps hoarsely, the words barely audible from her parched lips. "I tried to fly, but I'd forgotten how..."
Across the hospital room, Min-Cho is watching Sun-Mi intently. He looks into the impassive, lifeless eyes that didn't -- couldn't -- look back at him.
"It's pretty much the same dream, whenever she sleeps or naps, Doctor Hunter," he informs the slight, balding man observing beside him.
"How long has this been going on?" the doctor queries.
"Soon after she woke up in St. Vincent's Hospital," Min-Cho answers, "It seems like her reaction is growing more intense, her thoughts more incoherent, like her mind is gradually slipping away, along with her will to live. Now it's a struggle to get her to even eat or drink; already she's noticeably weaker."
"I'll order a continuous IV started, to keep her hydrated," the doctor replies, and motions for Min-Cho to follow him outside the room, where they can talk further without being overheard...
"Sun-Mi seems to be repeating a severely traumatic experience," he speculates once they are alone.
"She was reporting at the World Trade Center on 9/11, as people were jumping to escape the fires. They say as many as two hundred -- seeing that would traumatize anyone, I think," Min-Cho offers his common-sense opinion.
"It's possible, that empathizing with those victims, she could be internalizing their helpless plight, and putting herself in their place," Doctor Hunter conjectures. "Which could explain the troubling dreams."
"And the blindness?"
"The impact of Sun-Mi's concussions is a factor which we can't rule out, but it seems that something more is going on."
"What do you mean, Doctor?"
"There's research theorizing that the subconscious mind, after severe trauma, may act deliberately to avoid further similar trauma. In this case, since Sun-Mi's emotional distress happened in conjunction with the physical trauma of a concussion, her mind may be shutting out the origin of that distress -- her vision -- in a preemptive effort to protect itself."
"You're saying that Sun-Mi's eyes can see, but her mind won't process the images because it's afraid of suffering another concussion?" Min-Cho restates the diagnosis in his own words.
"That's one possibility, but not the only one," Doctor Hunter hedges on giving a definite cause. "But the danger is that, by her mind continually reinforcing her present state, the neural pathways gradually weaken and are eliminated, until she is mentally made to be permanently blind."
"If Sun-Mi's mind is the cause, can anything be done? I feel useless, watching her slip into insanity, or worse," Min-Cho declares his frustration.
"A person's long-term response to trauma is difficult to predict. This condition could end in a few days, or last for years, as with PTSD patients. But it's certainly not beyond hope," Doctor Hunter offers encouragement. "With proper care and rest, and with a reason to, she could still recover fully."
"What about more tests? Just in case something was missed..."
"First I want to interview her myself," the doctor replies. "My assistant will call tomorrow, to set up an appointment."
"Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate you stopping by," Min-Cho sends the psychiatrist off with a handshake.
When he comes back into the room, Sun-Mi is sitting up in the bed, and Su-Ji is trying to get her to eat, to no avail...
"Just one bite, Sun-Mi," Su-Ji pleads, patiently holding up a spoonful of applesauce.
"I already said I'm not hungry," Sun-Mi resists, her mouth turned down in a petulant frown.
"Fine!" Su-Ji snaps, finally giving up the effort, placing the untouched food, with the spoon in it, back on the bedside tray.
Min-Cho approaches the bed, but before he says anything, a smile comes to Sun-Mi's face as she recognizes his footsteps...
"Min-Cho, where were you? I've been looking for you," she calls to him, not realizing the irony of her choice of words.
"Doctor Hunter just stopped by. He wants to talk with you tomorrow," Min-Cho informs her.
"I think I've had every doctor in this hospital running one test or another on me, asking the same questions over and over," Sun-Mi complains. "Who is he?"
"Doctor Hunter is a psychiatrist. It's about your dreams."
"I'm not talking to any shrinks," Sun-Mi stubbornly refuses. "There's nothing wrong with my mind!"
She crosses her arms defiantly, sets her mouth in an unyielding pout... and Min-Cho knows the matter is decided.
"Okay, you don't need to talk to him. But the tests have all come back negative, and as far as the experts can tell, there is nothing physically wrong with your brain, or your eyes," Min-Cho tries to reason with her. "All that's left is what they can't look at, your mind..."
Su-Ji catches his eye, and shakes her head, signaling for him to drop the matter for now.
"What are you two conspiring?" Sun-Mi grumbles, alerted by the lengthy silence. "How much longer are you going to keep me cooped up in here?"
"Since you asked, I'll tell you," Min-Cho offers, seeing an opportunity. "If you won't cooperate, there's no point in staying here. But physically, you're too weak to leave the hospital, so the doctors won't release you, either. So we'll have to stay here indefinitely, with you on an IV, or...
He lets the alternative dangle temptingly...
"Or what?" she demands.
"You must start eating and drinking again, if you want to regain your strength and get out of here," he makes her choice clear.
"I told Su-Ji already, I'm not hungry," Sun-Mi protests. "But if I have to..."
Su-Ji picks up the bowl again, touching the full spoon to Sun-Mi's lips.
Sun-Mi cleans off the spoon, swallows, and grimaces. "Happy?" she grouches, then opens her mouth for more...
"I'll be happy when you finish your lunch, and your dinner tonight," Min-Cho states firmly, "and tomorrow, too."
Sun-Mi makes a face at him, but continues to let Su-Ji feed her, and in between bites, asks, "Where are we going?"
"To Greece," he answers, "My father's villa on Santorini..."