AAE -- Wishes Of The Heart
Chapter 167
written by LoveCR2 -- 2005
edited by All-About-AAE -- 2018
"Senior... after I'm gone... after I no longer exist to you... you have to be happy. You really have to be happy." -- Jin Sun-Mi
ORPHANAGE GROUNDS, KANGWON-DO ...
Sun-Mi, bundled up in her long Saint Laurent shearling-trimmed lambskin overcoat, hands tucked into the pockets for warmth, leisurely strolls a wooded path, contemplating Young-Mi's unexpected demand...
... 'Just disappear ... go away, and never show your face here again' ...
The late afternoon light is waning, the air still within the forest. The meandering footpath, blanketed with a layer of dry pine needles, cushions her footsteps. Muffled by distance and the foliage, she can barely hear the bustle of guests arriving at the church...
"That witch can't tell me what to do!" she stubbornly declares to herself, her ire still bubbling hot despite the chill of wintry air. "Who does she think she is, some kind of Queen?!"
Ahead, the sound of waves lapping on rocks comes through the trees, and she can see the rose-colored sky to the west...
Picking up her pace, Sun-Mi comes to the small lake which abuts the orphanage grounds. The forest path ends at a clearing of winter-burned grass bordering a narrow beach.
Sun-Mi crosses over to a step-down demarcating edge of the grass from the beach, gazing out over the water...
The lake is placid in the dusk calm. Small waves slosh irregularly up onto a layer of water-rounded pebbles. A few birds wheel high overhead, their cries faint as they skim away to their roosts for the night. Near the far shore, a small white fishing boat is silhouetted against the gray hills, motoring slowly through a rising mist.
... 'When I walk down the aisle, I don't want to see you there. Go away, never show your face to me, to Oppa, again' ...
She ponders what to do, now that she had essentially been uninvited from the wedding...
Min-Cho's car and driver are standing by. She could leave immediately, before the ceremony finishes, catch a late flight out of Gimpo, and be back in Jeju tonight.
No mess... no drama... she avoids a potential emotional meltdown... they start off a new life of marital bliss unencumbered by a useless spare tire...
"Daddy and Mom will understand," she tells herself. "And it's not as if they can't visit me in London, or New York."
... 'If you truly love Hyung-Chul, if you truly want him to be happy, then first you have to stop existing in his heart' ...
"Young-Mi is right," she acknowledges, "as long as I'm here, I'm a burden to Senior... and a threat to her..."
MEANWHILE ...
Waiting in the narthex of the church, Jin-Suk worries, "Where's Sun-Mi? The wedding will start any minute!"
"Sun-Mi said she wasn't feeling well, and needed some fresh air," Kui-Sung informs her. "I'm sure she'll be right back."
"She hasn't looked well from the moment she arrived," Jin-Suk states her concern. "I don't know why you insisted that she come."
"As family, she needed to be here," he maintains: "Sun-Mi is strong, she'll be fine."
Choi Jin-Soo, assisting as head usher for the ceremony, walks up.
"The last guests are seated, Mrs. Jin," he announces,� "It's time..."
But as he bends his elbow to escort Jin-Suk down the aisle, the church door flies open...
Kim Sun-Dal bursts in, frantic, and approaches them.
"Has anyone seen Hyung-Chul?" he asks excitedly.
"Did you look in the sacristy?" Kui-Sung suggests. "I spoke with him there earlier."
"The priest said he stepped out for a smoke a half-hour ago, and didn't come back," Sun-Dal explains. "No one's seen him since."
"But... where could he be?" Jin-Suk puzzles.
"I know... It's Sun-Mi!" Young-Mi speaks up accusingly. "He must be with her..."
Jin-Suk tries discounting the idea. "Let's not jump to conclusions. Surely there's another reasonable explanation..."
Young-Mi isn't persuaded...
"Isn't it obvious? First Sun-Mi goes missing, then Hyung-Chul disappears, too," she makes the connection. "How can that be just a coincidence?"
"Sun-Mi's not that kind of person," Kui-Sung pointedly asserts, "and Director Yoon is an honorable and responsible man. Let's be patient, and wait a bit."
His words fall on deaf ears... Young-Mi is becoming inconsolable...
"I knew this would happen," she wails in anguish, "Once Sun-Mi appeared, I'd be left in the lurch..."
ORPHANAGE GROUNDS, KANGWON-DO ...
Sun-Mi raises her hands to cup her mouth, and shouts out her anguish over the lake, into the setting sun...
"Hey, Senior! Do you think you can live happily without me? You'll be miserable! You're so bad... You'll be cursed every day! ..."
She brushes tears from her eyes, her words broken by deep sobs...
"But Senior... after I'm gone... after I no longer... exist to you... you have to be happy... You really have to be... happy..."
Sun-Mi drops her hands, staring into the darkening waters...
Nothing has changed because her confession... The endless waves roll on, the sun drops lower on its usual path to the horizon...
... with no one to witness her words, what was the point of saying them? ...
Her thoughts drift to Young-Mi... had she shouted vainly into the wind, too, before she tried to take her own life in this same lake?
She idly wonders if this might be the place where Young-Mi was found, half-drowned and unconscious, washed up on the beach.
She pictures Young-Mi, after ingesting the bottle of sleeping pills, walking into the water, one step at a time, convinced that she would never come back out alive... How much determination she must have had... and how much desperation...
"What drove you to such an extreme, Young-Mi?" Sun-Mi wonders aloud. "Was your pain as hard to bear that day, as mine is now?"
Sun-Mi remembers what she'd said to Min-Cho as she lay awake in the berth that early morning, anticipating how hard it might be ...
... 'why do I feel like, at any moment, I'm going to die?' ... 'What if I don't come back, but die there of a broken heart?' ...
She looks at the water just a few meters away... a firm resolve building in her mind...
... 'If you truly want him to be happy, then first you have to stop existing in his heart' ...
Sun-Mi steps down onto the beach, crossing to the water's edge, taking care that the leather soles of her Manolos don't slip on the smooth, wet pebbles.
... what better way to not exist in Senior's heart, than by not existing anymore on this earth?...
With another step forward, she immerses the heel tips and pointed toes of her pumps in the shallows, working the slender stilettos down between the rocks for a more stable footing.
She stands there rigidly, waiting... contemplating... calculating...
She could wade out into the lake, float away from the shore, treading water. Within minutes her core temperature will drop, and she will drift off into unconsciousness as effectively as with sleeping pills ...
Then her heavy, waterlogged coat will drag her below the surface ... into peaceful solace...
... finally, she will be free of the pain of losing him, and he will be free to live happily, without her...
"I don't know how things came to this, Senior," she says aloud, focusing her mind to send the message telepathically at the same time. "I'm an idiot, claiming to know True Love, while not recognizing it until too late..."
She takes another step , deeper in... The near-freezing water stings at first, until her feet grow numb and lose feeling...
... once she takes this next step... there is no turning back... she will never come back, alive...
She fixes her eyes on the horizon, building up her determination ... or is it desperation? ...
"We'll meet again, Senior, in the next life," she promises, placing her hand over her heart to confirm the pledge. "Then, I won't be such an idiot... I won't turn my back to you, and we'll live out our destiny, together..."
... the meteorite from the heavens and the pearl from the sea ... two hearts, entwined at creation, fused for eternity ...